Broken
by southernwritergirl
Summary: Dont try to fix me Im not broken,just wounded.what happens after Olivia's betrayed by the one who was supposed to love her and then a series of events sends her life spirling down.Will she ever be the same?And how does Elliot make her whole again?
1. Chapter 1Embaressment

Title:Truth,Love and Betrayal  
>Author:oliviaelliot1999<br>Dick Wolf owns em,Im justa usin em for fun,same goes for all other chapters.  
>What happens when someone you love betrays you and everyone turns against you?<p>

When Olivia Benson,a detective of the NYPD's Special Victims Unit entered her squad room at the one-six precinct at seven-thirty am on Monday morning she noticed something was amiss with the lockers stood three uniformed officers and one detective who name was Debbie or Darla or something were bent over one of the groups iPhones laughing at smiled,deciding to start her day off with a smile and approched them."Hey,guys,whatcha watching"?She group looked up at her with expressions like children caught misbehaving and then slowly they all began to laugh."Good morning,Detective Benson".The Uni closest to her said,trying not to laugh."Whats so funny"?Olivia asked."Oh,nothing".One of the others all exchanged a look and started walking off."What was so funny"?Olivia asked after group began up the stairs across the squad room from them and Olivia heard them all start to laugh hysterically as they got to the landing raised her brow in the squadroom from her was another group,three detectives,Anna,Josh and Patrick,and they too were viewing something on Patrick's looked up feeling her eyes on them,looked at each other with big eyes and started sputtering with laughter."What the hell about me is making everyone laugh this morning"?Olivia asked them angrilly."Ohhhhh,nothing,its nothing."Anna grinned at her companions,picked up the file box beside her on a desk and strolled two men raked they're eyes up and down her glared and sat quickly at her desk to avoid being eye candy to them looked around,people who were in the squadroom,coming in,leaving or just already there,seemed to be looking at her and laughing.

Detective Fin Tutuola,a membr of her team,entered the looked at Olivia and offered her a small,almost appologetic smile."What"?Olivia asked."Nothing,baby girl,its okay,you know,noting to be ashamed off".Fin said."What are you talking about"?Olivia asked."You know".Fin said."No,I dont,Fin,please,tell me".Olivia said."I'd rather not".Fin pocketed his own cell phone,blushing."What is everyone watching on they're phones thats so funny about me"?Olivia it was last week at the Wurthers crime scene when she slipped on the icy sidewalk and landed in a pile of garbage Stabler,her partner,had immediently helped her up and she didnt think anyone saw the banana peel in her hair but the press had been there taking pictures of everything so maybe one of them had gotten the image and had posted it on line somewhere as a little next to enter was Detective John Munch,who looked at Olivia,turned deep red,and ran out of the room laughing."Hey,Livia".A detective said smugly as he went by stared after him."Hey,Benson,did that tattoo hurt getting inked on"?Someone else asked."What"?Olivia asked."Hey Benson,we're having a weenie roast at my place this weekend,maybe you can come by,sure the weenies wont be as big as the ones your used too but maybe they'll do,just remember not to shove the whole thing in your mouth or your gag reflex'll kick in".Another detective said with a smug buddies who were standing with him chortled.

Everyone was suddenly staring at her,laughing and Olivia felt herself turning were they talking nervously tucked a strand of her long dark brown hair behind her ear and shook it off,getting to work on the Johanson file in front of Captain,Don Cragen,was suddenly kneeling beside her desk looking at her worriedly."Hey,um,Liv,is there anything you need to talk about"?He asked."What"?Olivia asked."Its,just,well,never mnd,forget I asked you".Cragen said."Don,why is everyone staring and laughing at me and making all those jokes and comments?Whats happened"?Olivia asked."Liv,its okay,you know,everyone makes mistakes".Cragen said softly."What mistake,what did I do thats so terrible and hilarious"?Olivia asked door to the squadroom flew open again and her partner came flying eyes landed on 'd tell grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her out to the opened the door to an interrogation room and peeked in to see if it was empty."Hey,Stabler,Benson was so open last night,maybe you can open her up again today".A Uni said as he passed them,leering at Olivia and then walking on down the hall.

Elliot pulled her inside and shut the door."El,whats happened"?Olivia asked."Liv,this isnt good,whats isnt and cant go away."Elliot pulled his own iPhone from his pocket and started messing around on 's breath caught,so it was about her and it was something really handed her the phone."Liv,sit down first".Elliot said."Hold on,I cant do this in here,not now that everyone thinks something is going on".Olivia went into the hall."I can see better here anyway".She stomach was turning with butterflies."Press play".Elliot said tapped the screen and first it was all black and then it faded to the laugh filled the phone,it was fun and then a man's voice saying "Oh baby,thats it".The screen filled with the image of a smiling Olivia on her knees in front of was holding his penis and obviously about to fool around.

She grinned up at him and started to stroke him in her hand."You like that baby"?She cooed."Oh,yeah,hell yes,I like that".The man recognised that was her boy had dated him before in 2008,then they broke up but recently he voiced how much he missed her everytime he saw her so she took him Moss."Oh,yeah,you know you like it".Olivia was grinned and then she took him all the way in her he thrusted in her mouth she gagged and choked a video played out,she gave him a blow job and then let him cum all over her was lapping it up,begging him for they were on the bed,Olivia was saying all the dirty things she wanted him to video shot them having hard,rough sex,Olivia saying things that she never would say unless she was having it showed her taking it every which way that they could ,mortified,embaressed and red faced,sank to her knees in the hall.

"Thats a good position for you,Olivia,we all know how you like being on your knees."A female cop said, sank down until she was laying on the floor."And on your back".The same cop felt the hot tears of embaressment make they're way down her cheeks."Hey,why dont you all go fuck yourselves"!Elliot yelled."Why would we go fuck ourselves when we know that Benson could do a much better job"!Someone called out,making evetyone who heard curled up in a ball and shook as she sobbed."Go to hell,all of you"!Elliot gently picked Olivia up off the floor and set her on her fell against him and Elliot felt her tears soak his shoulders."Liv,honey,what do you want me do for you right now"?He murmered."Take me home,please,please just get me out of here,El".Olivia whispered."Okay,do you want me to kick everyones asses too"?Elliot asked."Uh-huh".Olivia squeaked."Alright,I'll take you home first".Elliot slid his arm around her waist and scorted her down stairs to where she had parked her Mustang.

He got her quivering form in the passanger seat and then went to the driver seat."I eed the keys".He said gently."Pocket".Olivia reached in the left pocket of the leather jacket she wore and found the started the car and managed to get them both and the car to Olivia's apartment eight blocks over,in the shift stick car,he hadnt driven a stick since his late was catatonic as he brought her be honest,after seeing the video,he wouldnt surprised if the place was still trashed from her all night romping around with Kurt Moss."Liv,please tell me you didnt film the video".Elliot said as he layed her on the sofa and covered her with a shook her head."Did he"?Elliot asked."I dont know".Olivia said."Do you mind if I look in your room to see if the camera is still there"?Elliot shook her head so Elliot entered her beige down filled comforter was perfectly plumped and made on the king sized bed,the cream silk sheets were visible and perfect,the four fluffy pillows and the little throw pillows were neatly arranged and the dirt skirt was hanging red candles that had been burning in the video were all put away somewhere as were the sex toys that had been in the video.

From the angle of the shot which had captured everything perfectly the camera most likely was on the vanity which Olivia had place perpindicular to the wall where the two walls looked at the table top and then at the small lights inside the decorative flowers that lined the mirror and roved his eyes over all of one he saw a small black lense."Found it"!He called to his shuffled in,her mascara was running in two black lines down her cheeks,her foundation was caked and her eyes were terribly red-rimmed."Where is it"?She asked."In the light".Elliot grabbed a tissue from the box and used it to unscrew the little always carried little evidence bags in his suit pocket for those just in case moments and slid it in."Im gonna take this to Morales,you wanna come with me"?Elliot asked."I guess".Olivia sat down on the little beige covered vanity seat and used a tissue and make up remover to clean she refreshed her make up she followed Elliot down to her of nowhere she gasped loudly,stopping a few people on the side walk and grabbed Elliot's arm."What"?Elliot exclaimed."What if it goes viral on the internet"?Olivia hissed,worry over coming her beautiful face."I wont let it".Elliot said helped her in the car and then drove them to see the resident tech of SVU.

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	2. Chapter 2Hurt

"These cameras are actually really can but them at any local spyware store and if you have the skills you can put them just about example,the light wires are inside the bug itsself and once its turned on it has a battery life of twelve little guy was on for about five hours."Morales said."We know".Elliot said."Um,before I turn it on,whats on it"?Morales looked at her feet and turned red."Um,me and my boy friend...having sex".She said."Um,are you sure you want me to look at it"?Morales asked."I trust you.I didnt know I was being filmed.I found out about an hour ago".Olivia voice,thick from crying,was hardly more than a murmer and it wasnt the strong,assertive voice of Detective Benson that Reuban Morales was used too."I am so sorry you were violated".He squeased her hand gently."Thanks".Olivia muttered."Do you want to be here while the tape is playing"?Morales asked."We actually dont need to see the contents,we just need to see if there's is anyway to see who the camera belongs to and if there are any prints".Elliot said."Oh,absolutely".Morales layed the glass bulb next to the camera."We'll start with the glass because it'll be easier to get prints".He said.

He layed the glass on a protective sheet,sprinkled a dark powder on the bulb and dusted the surface gently."Ah,one full and two partials".He said."Can you run them"?Elliot asked."Sure thing".Morales peeled the prints from the glass onto the print sheet and took them to the sank into his empty seat and layed her head on her came up behind her and slid his arms around her."It'll be okay,Liv,this'll be over soon".He said."I cant ever go inside that precinct again".Olivia whispered."Sure you can,in a few days this will be a memory and then someone else will be the rumor mill's victim".Elliot said."Gotta hit".Morales said."Who is the son of bitch Im gonna have to kill"?Elliot asked."A man by the name of Kurtis Moss".Morales said."Noooooo".Olivia groaned."Im assuming your boy friend"?Morales asked."Yes".Olivia could he,the bastard,she was gonna have to kill him because it was the only way she could heal from 's fists cleanched.

"Calm down,El".Olivia immediently untensed and looked at her."I need to go and ask him why".Olivia said,shaking her head slowly."Not without me you arent".Elliot said."No,El,please,I need to do this,by myself,I just need to know why".Olivia said."Im not leaving you by yourself today,I'll wait for you at your apartment".Elliot sighed and nodded."I shouldnt be alone".She agreed."Do you want me to drop you off"?Elliot tossed the keys at him,"I wanna walk".She high,she turned on her heels and strode out."I hope everything works out for her,I'd hate to see her hurt by this".Morales stared at the picture of a smug Kurt Moss laying on the desk by the angrilly picked up the pen knife Morales had used to extract the camera from the bulb and stabbbed the asshole's picture until you couldnt see his he stormed out.

Olivia guessed everyone at the Ledger had seen the video as well because as she exited the elevator on Kurt's floor she was stared down,people leaning over and stared ahead,her eyes and mind set on Kurt's office at the end of the obsenely long,brightly lit strode down and rapped three times on the glass door."Come in".Kurt pushed the door open,he had his back to her quietly shut the door."How could you do it to me"?She turned around."Liv,hey baby".He said."Why?"Olivia repeated."Why what,sugar lips"?Kurt asked innocently."How could you film us making love and then show it around"?Olivia asked."I have no idea what your talking about,Olivia".Kurt said."Bull shit,you little pussy,you filmed us and then you showed it to everyone".Olivia said.

"Baby,I never filmed us having sex,what do I look like,some pervert"?Kurt asked with a scoff."Yes."Olivia said."I think you need to I come over later,we'll talk about this".Kurt moved around her and opened the as someone would remove an unruly child from a room,Kurt took Olivia by the sleeve of her jacket and pulled her out of his office."I'll see you later,baby,it was nice of you to stop by,it was nice to see you".He said,plastering on a big grin for everyone who had been watching the door."My girl is so sweet,isnt she,coming by to see me".He said."You perverted little fuck,I hope someone takes you better be glad my partner took my gun because if I had it then I would have put a bullet in your head and in your filmed me without asking or telling me,you showed everyone without asking me,you meant to hurt me.I hate you,I would love to kill you right now,everyone at work is laughing at me,making jokes,staring and making comments.I cant go back in there,and you knew still the jealous little pussy you were years ago when you wanted me to quit the force and be your little beck and call girl at home always ready to wait on you".Olivia leaned in by her ear."We will talk about this later".He hissed.

"Oh no we wont,we're through,you ignorant jack ass".Olivia said."Get in my office right now".Kurt said."You arent the boss of me".Olivia said."Get your ass in my office right now,Olivia"!Kurt yelled in her face."May I suggest a TicTac"?Olivia asked."You know,sweetheart,I dont think I much like this side of you".Kurt said."Im not a box,I dont have sides,this is me,one size fits all".Olivia clapped for her."Good one"!Someone roughly jerked her into his office and shut the pushed her across the floor into the hard concrete wished the whole office wall facing the cubicals outside was all glass,but sadly,only the door was glass,the rest of the wall was wood.

Kurt's hand flew across her face."Dont you ever talk to me like that".He growled."Dont you dare hit me,you prick".Olivia hit her wiped blood off her face and glared at him."You are a very annoying little bitch,but you were great in bed so I put up with your attitude".Kurt kissed her shoved him away."Get off of me"!She squealed."You were more than willing last night".Kurt grabbed her crotch and squeased."Stop it,that hurts,Kurt"!Olivia yelled."You didnt say that last night".Kurt said with an evil held her back with an arm across her chest and started to undo her kicked out at him,thrashing around and trying to get was bigger than her.

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	3. Chapter 3Really Hurt

Kurt threw Olivia across the room to the leather sofa under the window and ran at threw her fist out and it collided with his didnt really do much other than momentarilly deter make him that much straddled her and started to beat on punch reminded Olivia of the abuse she took from her Benson never minded throwing her perfected locked fist at her daughter after a few glasses of somehow managed to go numb and black she wasnt even aware of Kurt hurting she came to,maybe ten minutes into the beating,she was aware of the jerking feeling on her legs.

A cold gush of air as her pants were removed made her heard them as Kurt threw them and then the rumpled sound as they couldnt even call for couldnt feel anything but cold and a tiny bit of Kurt dragged her panties down her legs."Ooh,you wore my favorite pair".He grinned and spread her knew what was coming next."Help"!She screamed."Sound proof walls,baby,you knew that already".Kurt reminded her was right,she knew Kurt's office,like all other tenured writer's offices,were she couldnt pushed his own pants down and got between her legs and roughly forced himself inside of screamed.

She had never thought she would be raped but after Sealview that thought afterward,after she healed a bit from it,she was sure she would never be in the situation here she was,naked from the waist down while a man rougly thrusted into her most personal college Olivia dated a guy named Chet,Chet was a cocky,smug looker who everyone wanted,Olivia felt lucky to have him,but she always had a feeling that if she didnt screw him,he'd get it from someone else,so she would have sex with him just to keep him her's,even when she didnt feel like it,or really want it,she knew how having sex when you werent aroused was like someone shoving a large emery board in your vagina.

And thats what this rape felt like,plus about three gallons of painfully twisted one of Olivia's breast,laughing when she cried throat hurt,Olivia didnt even realise she'd been screaming for five put his hand over her twisted her head,got the side of his hand in her mouth and bit down as hard as she pulled it away and yelled in pain."You little bitchy cunt"!He wailed a hand on her face his face twisted up almost painfully,his thrusts became jerky and sloppy and then he groaned,a disgusting noise that made Olivia want to stayed in her until his release was spent and then he pulled out."Get dressed and get out".He said.

Olivia numbly found her panties and pants and got dressed."Dont even think of reporting this,Olivia,after the little performance you made on that video,no one would believe you".Kurt said,pulling his pants back pulled open the door that Kurt had thought to pull the shade down on and hurried out,head injuries were screaming at her,especially her rape took the stairs to avoid any stares and questions in the already knew she was reporting this rape regardless pf what Kurt if they personally didnt beleive her,the squad still had to take her report seriously until it was disproven,dropped or she went to Columbia Prespyterian,the same hospital she had been born at,and told them what had was taken to a room.

"Could you tell me your name,ma'am"?The doctor,Goldfine,asked."Detective Olivia Benson".Olivia said."Your date of birth". said."Janurary 19th 1969".Olivia said."Why did you come to the hospital"? asked."I was forced to have sex and beaten up".Olivia said."Will you consent to a rape kit and would you like the Special Victims Unit to be called"? scoffed softly."Doctor,do you appreciate ironic situations"?She asked."Depends on the irony".The doc said."Here's a good one for ya then".Olivia said cleared her throat and took a breath."My name is Olivia Serena Benson,I was born in this hospital,my mother was raped and I am the product of it,today I was raped and a few years ago I was almost raped on the job,I am on the NYPD and I am a 's the killer line,I am a Special Victims Unit detective".Olivia said,bursting into layed back and curled up and sobbed."Oh,goodness". said.

Then Olivia started to laugh,hysterically."Whats funny,Detective"? asked."I just cant believe this happened to me.I spend my life putting rapists and perverts away and I get just messed is the most fucked up thing I have ever dealt with.I am fourty-three years old and that is seriously the most fucked up thing in my world!Yes,call in the troops and do the kit doctor,I would love to report my rape".Olivia said,still doing her impersonation of a hyena."Al-right". said 'd never had a patient of rape and assult who was also pretty sure the detective in the bed was having a paged for a nurse and all the items he would need to conduct the rape kit and managed to get his patient to calm down.A smiling,red headed nurse came in pushing the cart.

"Detective,could you please bag all of your clothes in the appropriet bags"? obliged him."Im sure you know how this all goes but I'll still tell you what we're doing as we do it". said."Peggy,please call SVU".He said to the red headed nurse."No,not until the kit is done".Olivia said."Alright".Peggy .Goldfine put Olivia in front of the stark white wall and took pictures of all of her he swabbed her mouth and and Peggy scrapped under nails and then Olivia was given a blue and white speckled gown and asked to lie back and put her feet in the did as she was told.

The doctor swabbed her down there and put the sample in the bags."You have a great deal of tearing and lacerations in your going to give you some pain meds for that,some ointment and some pills for the other we're done with the kit,I'll go call SVU". said."I'll give you the pills that help avoid diseases and pregnancy".Peggy handed Olivia a little plastic shot glass of different pills."Take those and then just relax until the police arrive,I'll go find you some clean panties and sweats".She said with a kind smile.

Olivia knocked all the pills back with the apple juice that she was given and then she layed back on the was terribly cold and wished they had given her a was happy when Peggy returned with a pair of grey sweat pants,a grey tee shirt and a pair of surprisingly non-granny style pulled everything on,the sweats were two sizes two big so Olivia had to roll them at the waist,the length was shorter after too,the tee shirt reached past her ass,the only things that fit were the panties and her own felt a little rediculous wearing huge sweats and a pair of four inch black suede boots."Did tell my detectives who the victim was"?Olivia asked."No,but,then,you asked him to say nothing about who you are".Peggy reminded."Oh,right".Olivia said softly."Its okay,you went through a great trauma,your gonna be a little messed ,you knew that,you work in Sex Crimes".Peggy said."Its okay,Im just not used to being weak and exposed and vulnerable".Olivia nurse popped in.

"Police are here".She said,dissapearing."Have a good evening Detective.I hope you get better".Peggy slid braced herself fpr her friends to could hear Fin and John talking outside her room and sat up,dragging her knees up under and chin and circling her arms around her door didnt seem to notice at first."Im Detective John Munch,this is Detective Fin Tutuola".John said."I know".Olivia couldnt even look at them,as soon as the door opened she dropped her head into her arms and hid."Whats your name"?Fin asked heard them close the door and sit took a deep breath.

The shock on they're faces was heavy as she sat her head up and stared at them."Olivia Benson".She said softly.

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	4. Chapter 4Numb

"Liv"?John nodded and the tears started to flow again."I was raped".She whispered."My God".Fin got up and held her."What happened,Baby Girl"?He asked."I went to confront Kurt about the video and he got mad".Olivia whispered."Im gonna murder him"!John exclaimed."Guys,Im a victims,and I just want this over with,remember,so take me to the precinct and get my statement".Olivia pulled her coat on and they followed her out."Where did you park the car"?She asked as they exited the lobby of the hospital."Down here".Fin gently lead her to the slid in and layed down across the back and John got in up front and Olivia fell asleep as they drove through Manhattan.

"Livia,Baby Girl,we're at the precinct".Fin said,gently waking her peeked around were in the basement parking deck under the yawned and slid out,stretching her sore muscles that screamed at her as she slid his arm around her and helped her to the boarded and Fin pressed ride up was and Elliot were sitting at Elliot's desk,talking."He was supposed to wait at my place,I forgot all about that".Olivia muttered."He came in to see if maybe after you went to see Kurt you came here".Fin said."I made him wait almost five hours for me,Im a terrible person".Olivia said."Your not".Fin said."Does he know"?Olivia asked."No".Fin said.

"Then keep it a secret until its over,okay,please"?Olivia asked."Anything you want".Fin took her to one of the older interogation rooms,more ensconed in privacy,with the viewing rooms in front of them."You want a coffee or anything,Liv"?John asked."Water,please".Olivia went to get it for came back with a glass and a packet of peanut butter crackers."You need to eat something,your stomach was rumbling on the ride over".He said."Thanks".Olivia didnt move to take sat down in the chair next to her,slid close,opened the packet and offered her a opened her mouth and took a bite."Good girl".Fin held the crakcer for her until it was all gone.

"So,start from the beginning and tell us everything".John turned the recorder wanted to melt into Fin and hide from the took a deep breath."This morning I got to work and I noticed that everyone was staring at me.I soon figured out that a tape of me having sex had been distributed through everyones cell I found out who had filmed the video I decided to go ask why he did it.I went to the New York Ledger where my boy friend,Kurt Moss, was the one who filmed me by hiding the camera inside of one of the little glass light bulbs on my where my vanity is he had the perfect angle for everything.I confronted him,I asked him why he would do such a thing,how he could do it,and he pretended that he didnt have anything to do with it.

When I pressed him he tried to get me to leave.I told him we were through and he forced me back in his pushed me against a wall and slapped me.I tried to fight hit me again and started to kiss me.I kicked at him but I then threw me across the room to his sofa.I was stunned and a little hurt and couldnt move at got on top of me and started to beat punched me for maybe five minutes at that time I passed out or something,anyway I went numb and spaced out.I cant remember anything for a few I came to he was removing my threw them,removed my panties and commented that they were his removed his pants and thats when he started to rape touched me,not to gently I might add,as he did told me things like you know you like it,and you wanted it last night,and that I liked it like that.I couldnt fight him off anymore.I couldnt move.I tried screaming,I forgot his office was sound reminded me.I didnt have my gun or cuffs or any wepon because my partner took them in case I tried he had...finished he told me there was no point in me reporting it since no one who saw the tape would believe told me to get dressed and leave.I I went to Columbia Pres and had the rape kit done".Olivia took a sip of water.

John made her go over it three the time they finished it had been six hours since Olivia had been wanted to go home and take a really hot helped her up and got her a must have gone home because she didnt see him in the bull she got home she unlocked the door with the hide-a-key she had hidden in one of the light sconces by her door and quickly locked the told her that he and John would go arrest Moss while she got cleaned went to the clothes she was wearing would definately trashed along with the clothes that she had been wearing when Kurt did what he did to her as soon as she got them turned the shower on all the way,striped and waited for it to get fully of having cleaned herself with a Brillo pad Olivia deemed herself clean after a twenty minute shower that had gone icy after fifteen.

She wrapped in her grey silk bathrobe and padded to the livingroom with her hair in a towel and Dove lotion on her sat on the window sill and just stared out the window at the street.

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	5. Chapter 5Beautiful Blood

The next six days were a blur for had a call from John that she would need to come in to identify Moss out of a line had sent Cragen an email at three am of the morning after the rape that she was taking vacation for an unspecified period time for personal identified her ex in the line up and then went home,burned all his pictures and things he had at her place and the sheets off her bed and then after she had remade the bed and got in it and didnt leave it for the rest of the had called and been by everyday but she didnt talk to him or let him wanted to be alone.

On the day that Olivia finally got out of bed she wanted to watch the news for some silly hated watching the news because it showed her things she already knew about and she figured she didnt need to watch was out on the streets everyday with Elliot,so it wasnt as if she didnt know about the started a pot of coffee and turned on New York One in the livingroom."At the top of the hour,some interesting stories:the mayor announces a new plan for a New York spending budget,Singer Lady GaGa comes to town and an NYPD shocker,seasoned detective in a sex tape 'll be back in sixty seconds".The blond ancorwoman sank to her knees and gripped the counter,hyperventilating.

When Olivia was sixteen and a Junior in high school there was a girl named Tracey Marcinco who for some reason,hated Olivia's very existance with a burning passion and was hell bent on destroying Olivia's life and making it one day Olivia entered school only to find that everyone was staring and laughing at Tracey had found out that Olivia was the rape child of a raging drunk and spread it around one forgot and halfway through the second semester Serena had Olivia transfered to another school because she couldnt deal with the no,she wasnt concerned that Olivia had to deal with the teasing and bullying everyday,Serena couldnt deal with her own embaressment when the other parents or teachers saw her at the had thought that was the worst thing to ever happen to her,it wasnt,this was.

Her story was the longest and therefore last on the list."Last night a video was sent to out studio by an anonymous tape was of Detective Olivia Benson of the Manhattan Special Vicitms Unit,a unit which prosecute crimes of a sexual ,it seems this detective likes it rough because our team had never seen anything so Olivia Benson was filmed,it seems,in her bedroom at her apartment,doing sexual favors for an unnamed the video progresses it gets more and more fraught,dirty and sexual."A picture of Olivia's badge photo filled the 's eyes went wide."Oh .!"She screamed at the TV."NOOOOO!"She screamed again.

Olivia didnt know what made her do what she did but the next thing she knew she was laying in her unmade bed drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels through a straw while she ran her sharp K-BAR knife over her blood and the pain and the alcohol seemed to help her a great was more than drunk and that combined with the wooziness from the drinking made her black must have cut to deeply because she watched as a great flood of blood poured from her wrist before she passed out.

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	6. Chapter 6A Risk To Herself

Captain Cragen turned the TV set off and sat down on Olivia's empty others were in shock."That little fucker,Moss,sent it in".Elliot growled."If he wanst at Rikers but in the cage now I'd let you kick his sorry ass".Cragen said."I could go up there now and do it".Elliot growled."We need to go check on Liv,there's a chance she may not have seen this and we need to warn her,and if she has seen it then we can comfort her".Cragen said."Lets go".John went to the garage and got cars and drove to Olivia's apartment.

Elliot used his key and let them in."Liv"?He TV was on New York One so they guessed she'd seen it."Liv,its us".Cragen stepped inside."Liv"?Elliot called again."Do you smell whiskey"?Cragen smelled the air."Yeah".John said."Olivia"?John called."I'll check the bedroom".Elliot started down the hall,the stench of alcohol becoming more and more pushed the bedroom door open."OLIVIA"!He yelled.

He ran to the ,unconcious,was drapped across the pillows,blood all over the bed,all over her and her arm from a deep slice on her wrist and more smaller cuts and a bottle of over turned Jack Daniels was on the others ran in."Oh shit".John pulled his radio out."I have a pulse"!Elliot exclaimed."Rush a bus to 374 East 97th street,apartment 12b,the victim is a detective of the NYPD,the injury is a slit wrist and the victim is medics the victim has lost alot of blood".Fin yelled into his two-way.

They flew after the ambulance lights and sirens to Mercy was taken to Trauma and put in a room hooked up to tranfusions and a banana bag."She's hypothermic"!The nurse called to the doctor."Get her soem Co2"!Another nurse yelled."Start a line her arm"!The guys stood at the door and watched as Olivia was was pale and a little blue."How long has she been unconcious"?A nurse asked."We dont went to her place to check on her and found her like ,the news ran a mean story on her at 8:05 so maybe a little bit after that."Elliot said."There's a chance then after almost twenty minutes of no oxegyn and blood loss that she has brain damage."The nurse squeased out past them.

Elliot sat by her bed and gripped her had been announced in a coma after fifteen minutes of attempting to wake had her fellow detectives seen her so weak seemed shrunken in the blue gown and in the big white bed hooked up to so many was a large wooly bandage wrapped from the start of her left wrist to about halfway down and then a blue rubber tourniquet at the base of her doctor asked if she had deliberately tried to take her told him the circumstances surrounding the accident and that it could've gone either way.

"She'll be okay,Elliot,she's a fighter".Cragen said."Don,she tried to kill herself,she's not okay".Elliot groaned in her sleep."Didnt...try...kill...myself".She muttered."That answers that question".Don said."Don,she is hopped up on about a billion different drugs right now,how can we take anything seriously"?Elliot phone rang,keeping Cragen from took the call and John sat down at her bedrside."I think she'll be okay,she was just really hurt by the story on the news".Fin said."She'll never be able to come back to work".John said."Sure she will,the squad will forget all about this eventually and find something else to talk about".Fin shook his head."IAB's going to investigate this,Fin,if the find signifigant evidence that she tried to kill herself,they wont let her go back to 'll be put on Brass doesnt like suicidal people on the Force".He said.

"If thats the case then half the damn NYPD would be out of the running".Fin crossed his arms over his chest and looked away."I cant believe they would do that,can they do that?Can they just do that on the news like that"?He asked."No,its a compleate invasion of priacy,if she sues and wins,well,she could bankrupt could pain and suffering out of it too".Don said."Maybe we could do it for her".John said."No,its up to Liv if she want to sue or not.I can sue the news channel and Moss".Don said."Think she would win"?John asked."Yeah,no doubt in my would probably settle with her first,to avoid court.I heard her say after she was accused of murdering that biker that she would always have Trevor Langan as her lawyer because he was the 've been up against him in court,he is a corporate fuddy duddy lawyers wouldnt want to go up against someone with such caliber".Don said."Thats compleatly right".A deep male voice said from the door."Speak of the devil".Fin said."When I saw the news story and heard about what the guys who filmed it did I decided to come make my services availible".Trevor Langan said.

"You were quick".John said."She's a friend,and she was a good client.I'll get her a good settlement".Trevor said."She hasnt woken up yet but she spoke".John said."Is she in a coma"?Trevor asked."Yeah".Don said."Should she be able to speak in a coma"?Trevor asked."Who knows,I guess,the doc said her brain activity was really high".John said."Hmm,call me when she wakes up".Trevor layed his card on the bedside table and left."That was creepy".John said."Think he's stalking us"?Fin joked.

Olivia woke up after three days of being unconcious,she was glad to see she was last thing she wanted when she woke was a barage of questions and from knew he would give her that look of compleate dissapointment in her and that would hurt more than him yelling at looked around the room and saw millions of cards,flowers,a big bouquet of red and blue helium balloons that said get better soon aunt were either from the Stablers or from her newphew,Simon's stepson,Stephen.

She tried to get up and see who they were from but she was strapped down to the bed."What the hell".She pulled at the restraint and started to hated being held down and being held down by the belt made her feel like she was back on that couch a week before being paged a same nurse from the day of the rape,Peggy,came in."What can I do for you"?She asked."Could you please take this harness off of me"?Olivia looked uncomfortable."I not next of kin said the hospital has permision to restrain you until we're sure your not a risk to yourself".She said."What risk"?Olivia asked."Detective,do you know why your in the hospital"?Peggy asked."No,I cant remember".Olivia said."You cut your wrist and almost lost your life".Peggy layed back and groaned."Oh God,this is just great".She hissed.

"A social worker will be in to see you in a few minutes,its policy if a patient shows signs of being suicidal".Peggy said."But Im not".Olivia said."Im sorry".Peggy checked Olivia's IV and monitors and left."You have got to be fucking kiding me"!Olivia thrashed around angrilly trying to get out of the strap but no and a little sore from the exertion she flopped back,hit angry tears flowing down her door opened and a smiling African American lady dressed in a pretty violet colored skirt and blouse combo entered the room."Hi,Olivia,Im Susan Marsden,Im the pysc evaluator here.I need to ask you a few questions,may I come in"?She asked."It appears your already in".Olivia said angrilly.

"Then may I have a seat"?Susan asked."I guess".Olivia pulled the plastic covered chair over to the side of the bed but stayed by Olivia's feet."So,your a detective".She began."Yes".Olivia said."How long have you been a detective"?Susan asked."Its 2012,um,almost sixteen years".Olivia said."And you work for Special Victims"?Susan asked."Yes".Olivia said."How long have you been there"?Susan asked."Thirteen and a half years".Olivia said."Why did you ask to be put in SVU"?Susan was quiet for a moment."Because my mother was a victim and Im the product of her rape.I wanted to put people like my father away but then when I got there and realised it was bigger than just me and my mom I decided that I wanted to put child molesters,phedophiles and rapists behind bars."Olivia said."Did you deliberately try to take your life"?Susan asked.

Olivia scoffed and sneered."What kind of question is that"?She growled."Im sorry if the question offended you but when a person comes to the hospital and their wrist is cut so deeply that they almost die and need transfusions then that exibits fairly suicidel behavior".Susan said."No,I didnt try to kill myself,Im not day I cut myself a story had been put on the news about ex-boy friend secretly filmed us having sex and sent it around to everyone who would see me,I dont know why he did it,but I got really upset and went to see him and he and I argued,then he raped me,so I called in sick from work and I was hiding in bed for a week,when I finally got out of bed I wanted to watch the news so I put on New York One and they played the story,New York Sex Crimes Detective in Sex Tape Shocker".Olivia took a deep breath."I just over-reacted.I was a little drunk when I cut myself.I had a bottle of whiskey".She was all coming back to her in such clarity,the blood as it poured from her arm,the feeling of the hot drink as it went down her throat,the feeling of it effecting her and getting woozy with bloodloss and how she was sure she was about to die,the sweet escape of death had seemed so wonderful,so she drank more and cut more.

But she hadnt been trying to kill shook the thought away."I want to go fine".She said."I dont think your ready for that just yet."Susan said."Please just let me go".Olivia moaned,feeling really upset."If I sign this form that grants your release how can I be sure you wont go home and kill yourself,or try to kill yourself"?Susan asked."**I Didnt Try To Kill Myself**"!Olivia was losing it and she knew she looked at her skeptically."Are you normally this irate"?She asked calmly."Yes"!Olivia exclaimed."Okay,I'll sign your release on a few conditions".Susan said."What conditions"?Olivia asked.

"First one:You must present yourself for therepy and that therepist must contact me every week after the must go to one session a :You must come see me at my office every two :someone must be with you at all you fail to comply with these then I will you commited into involentary I can do mext of kin told me I had permision to do whatever necessary to help you and Im sure he would be more than willing to help me comit you".Susan said."Im gonna kill Elliot".Olivia muttered.

"So,sign this form that says you'll comply with all these terms and then I'll have someone bring you some clothes and release you".Susan said."Thank you".Olivia said."Detective,you should also know that you need my signature to return to work".Susan said at the door."Then I'll get it,Im fine,this is all just a formality".Olivia picked up the clipboard and pen that Susan had left on the bed and signed her name.A few minutes later a smiling male orderly came in with the signature sweats and unlocked the restraint from Olivia's mid-section."There you go,I'll take the form,have a nice day".He said,leaving with a smile.

Olivia quickly dressed and then she stared at all her had bouquets,vases,pots of flowers,candy,cards,stuffed animals.A four foot tall teddy bear was sitting in a chair in the corner with a card that said Love Fin and knew she wanted all the cards so she could write thank you notes and the ballons were definately going with her since they were from Lizzie,Dickie and Olivia decided to take the four prettiest arrangments with her and then donate the rest to the patients who didnt have any and give the candy and animals to the pediactrics same smiling male orderly helped her tote the giant bear and some of the flowers down to the lobby and got her a felt good to be going home.

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	7. Chapter 7Attention Isnt Always Fun

"Thanks for helping me carry this stuff up,you can just leave it here,I'll take care of it".Olivia nice cabbie driver who drove her home from Mercy had offered to help her with all of her things."No problem".He said in his thick Mid-Eastern payed him for the ride and gave him a big tip and then started to clean the mess of gifts she kept flowers were lined up on the long window sill in the livingroom and she put the giant bear she mantally named Herman in her bedroom in the chair by the was tired after just that little bit of exertion and decided to lay down and just take a couch would have to do because Olivia didnt feel like moving to the bedroom.

If her neighbors had ever wanted to call the police because of Olivia it was probably woke up after three hours of reliving the rape in her nightmares screaming bloody thankfully the police didnt had to relive everything thhat happened and she was sure it would've been a little better for her but right in the middle of the dream it stobbed being Kurt who was raping her and instead turned into Lowell he got her this heard a bleeting noise and wished it would before it did she realised it was her cell phone.

"Hello"?She answered."Hey,Liv,I went by the hospital and they said they released you".Elliot said."Yeah,they let me go".Olivia said."I wish you would've called me,we all would've come and helped you get home".Elliot felt guilty hearing the sadness in his voice."Im sorry".She said,her voice cracking."Are you coming in tomarrow"?Elliot asked."No,I havent been cleared for work yet".Olivia wiped an errant tear off her cheek."You want some company"?Elliot asked,a glimmer of hopefullness in his voice."No,I want to be alone".Olivia said softly."Oh,okay".Elliot said quietly."Im sorry,El".Olivia said."Its okay,I'll see you sometime then".Elliot said."Tell the kids thank you for the balloons,I kept them".Olivia said."I ,Liv".Elliot hung up before Olivia could say goodbye.

"Great,thanks for making me feel guilty asshole".Olivia turned her phone off and threw it somewhere,hearing it clatter and slid turned on the TV and layed down on the wrist where she was hurt itched and as desperately as Olivia wanted to take the fuzzy wool bandage off and scratch them,she didnt want to see what she had done to was ashamed and wished that she hadnt done pain pills the doctor perscribed her were on the counter and Olivia wanted to take one and sleep without nightmares but she wasnt sure she had the right mental state of mind to take one and stop.

But it seemed sleep wanted her because the next thing Olivia knew it was dark outside and the news anchorwoman was saying that it nine pm and they were signing off,until six had been early when Olivia fell heard her stomach rumbling and went to her kitchen to see if there was anything to fix cupboards and fridge were hopelessly didnt want to order in because she was dieting so she decided to venture out and see what she could find in the busy realised by the nurses reactions to her as she walked down the hall to leave Mercy that morning that she was still very much recognisable from the news story so she went incognito in a long black trench coat,big black aviators and a hat.

She stopped at her favorite deli where she normally had breakfast when she had time and got a bagel with some cream cheese and didnt want to go home,she felt uncomfortable about going there so she went to the at nine it was still bustling and she had to search for a place to empty bench by the river opened itself and she stole had always found something peachful about this side of the was more open, peeled her hat off her hot head and let her hair tumble down and pulled her shades off,thinking it was dark enough not to be noticed.

That was until she noticed two teenage boys on the bench a few yards away staring at her and grinned leecherously at turned away."Hey,arent you that chick from the video"?She boys had approched her,one of them held a smoking toke in his fingers and it was making Olivia's head hurt."Hey,isnt marijuna an illegal substance"?She retorted."Shit dude,run".One of the boys took ,throughouly embaressed put her glasses back on and went home where she wasnt stared at and oogled like an animal on show at the state fair.

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	8. Chapter 8Under Fire

Olviia got a decent night's rest that night but woke to grey skies and rain the next clock was unplugged as a result of her falling out of bed the night before when a car backfiring outside sounded like someone breaking into her just hadnt felt like plugging it got up and went to the kitchen and got a pot of coffee felt funny,like she'd slept too long and hadnt eaten in a she reached for a mug in the cabinet above her she was suddenly dizzy and pitched foreward,whacking her head on the counter under her.

"Im gonna go check on Liv,she sounded sad on the phone".Elliot said."You want someone to go with you man"?Fin asked."No,thats okay".Elliot said."Tell Baby Girl we say hi".Fin said."I will".Elliot grabbed his keys and coat and went down to his was only nine am but traffic was a nightmare and the weather didnt make it any parked on the curb a block down from Olivia's and ran to the of the neighbors on her way out let him and he went up.

"Liv,its El".He called as he stepped smelled burning coffee and heard soft moaning."Holy shit,Liv"!He exclaimed,looking at his partner laying on the floor in a ball with a cut on her pulled out his radio."Rush a bus to 347 East 97th street apartment 12b,head injury to a detective".He got down on the floor and lifted her slightly into his lap."Liv,Liv,can hear me"?He groaned and shifted her head."El,I have a migrain".She laughted slightly."Your okay,you've still got your sense of humor.I've got a bus on the happened"?He asked."I was making coffee and when I reached for a mug I got dizzy and passed out.I think I hit my head on the counter".Olivia said.

"How long ago"?Elliot asked."Maybe fifteen minutes ago".Olivia opened her eyes and looked up at her partner and smiled."Let me get the blood off your forehead and take a look at the damage".Elliot opened a drawer near them and took out a dish cloth and ran it under some cool water from the hissed and flinched when he touched the cut on her head."Its not too bad but your gonna need stitches and you've probably got a cuncussion".He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the cut and made Olivia smile.

"You do have a slight cuncussion". said."Great".Olivia sighed."Im going to go get some sutures,just relax here". stepped out from behind the curtain and Olivia layed down."My head doesnt hurt so much anymore".She said."Thats good".Elliot took her hand and squeesed it."Thanks for coming over,El,I dont know what I would've done because I couldnt move".Olivia said."Its okay,I was worried about you after we talked yesterday and I figured I'd come make sure you were okay".Elliot said.

A familiar head popped around the curtain."I thought that was you,Detective Benson".Susan Marsden said."Hi".Olivia said."What are you in for"?Susan asked."I fell and knocked my head".Olivia said."Ow.I was going to call you,I had a call from a Huang,he said you called him last night and asked if he would be your psyc good to go ahead and plan thisng out,he told me that he'd fly in from Washington,DC on Fridays and you could have the whole weekends to have sessions".Susan said."Great".Olivia said."Is this your husband"?Susan asked,eyeing Elliot."No,he's my partner on the Force and my best Stabler".Olivia said."Nice to meet you,Susan Marsden".Susan gave her a smile and shook her hand."Hi".He said."Well,I'll leave you,I'll see you in two weeks".Susan said.

The doctor patched her up and gave another pain medicine and sent her home."You want me to stay with you"?Elliot asked."I think you have too,one of the conditions of my release from comitment,thanks to you by the way,is that I have to have someone watching me at all times".Olivia said."I'd love to be the one who ddoes that.I just need to run by the squadroom really quick,wanna go with me"?Elliot asked."Sure."Olivia accepted his hand that he held out and steadied herself on his arm."Thanks,El".She went down to the car and Elliot took them to the One-Six."Hey,El,what time is it"?Olivia asked."Its almost ten".Elliot said.

"Wow,I cant believe its only been a little more than two hours since I woke up and Im already exhusted".Olivia said."Well,you did just give yourself a cuncussion".Elliot reminded her."True".Olivia said."When do you think you'll come back to work"?Elliot asked."If I can come back,after IAB does its stupid investigation,I have to have Susan's sign off on to be honest,I dont think she likes me that much".Olivia said."Why"?Elliot asked,confused that anyone couldnt not like his partner."Because I was mean when we met".Olivia said."You were in a hospital bed strapped about that by the way".Elliot said."Its okay".Olivia parked outside the precinct and Elliot helped her hurry inside past the downpour.

Leiutenant Tucker was already there with two of his rat squad minions when they eyed her up with disdain and went back to reading one of the files he had in a box that Olivia knew were one's about clung to Elliot,staring at everyone who passes,afrain of what had happened two weeks ago when that video was back to being nice though,smiling and asking how she jerk who made the joke about her at his weenie roast even appologised while Elliot glared at him evily."That was alot easier than I thought".She said as they left the squadroom."I told you it would be over soon".Elliot said."You were right".Olivia went back to her place and hung out for a litle while before Olivia fell asleep on the had been letting her lean against him while they watched a movie so he was compleatly pinned under didnt have the heart to move her if it would wake didnt have to worry because fifteen minutes into her nap,Olivia woke up screaming knew she wouldnt be the same after the rape,no one ever was,but maybe one day she could heal.

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	9. Chapter 9Simon's Help

With Kurt's trail approaching quickly Elliot was keeping Olivia close to him at all the past week she'd been with him at the precinct and at her apartment so he could keep an eye on 's had one session with George so far that had gone pretty good,she only cried a little had writen her a good report because she actually talked about everything an didnt just shut down and keep to herself,something that she would've normally done.

"So,lets go over it one more time."Casey said."case,we've been over this a billion times,I cant be anymore certain of what happened then I was five minutes ago".Olivia said."We have to make sure your fit to stand have to be certain you can withstand Granger's prodding at 's gonna bring up the fact that you tried to commit suicide and thats gonna tank your credibility really seriously."Casey said."I can do this,Alex,tell her I can do this."Olivia said."She'll be alright,Casey,I know her".Alex said."I know her too but how do we know she wont crumbled like a cookie as soon as Granger starts on her"?Casey asked.

"Ummm,Hello,Casey,still here".Olivia said."Casey,its two days until the trial and her story hasnt even strayed will be fine".Alex said."Fine,okay,if your sure and you think she's ready then I'll stop".Casey said."Thank you,my brain hurts enough as it is".Olivia said."Still having headaches from the cuncussion,Livi"?Alex asked."Yeah".Olivia said."I have some Advil if you want some".Casey said."Nah,I'll be fine".Olivia said." dont we all go get some dinner then"?Casey suggested."Nabo".Alex said."How about we go get some dinner that normal,non-trustfunded people like Liv and I can afford".Casey suggested with a calm smile."Alright,how about Cafe La Rue on Lex".Alex suggested.

"I havent been there before."Olivia said."Niether have I".Casey said."Its great,lets go".Alex door to Casey's office opened."Um,Detective Benson,you have someone here who needs to talk to you".One of the other ADAs said."Who"?Olivia asked."Your partner".The ADA said."I told Elliot I would be okay with you two".Olivia said slightly irratated."Its cute that he's so worried about you".Alex said."Ooh,Elliot woooooves Livi".Casey said."Oh,shut it before I shut you".Olivia went out to where Elliot was pacing nervously."Im perfectly fine,El,now can I please go back to hanging out with my best friends"?She asked.

"Liv,Tucker was looking for you."Elliot looked worried."Why?What could I possibly have done on medical leave?"Olivia asked."Liv,Kurt Moss was found in his office this morning,dead".Elliot said."Oh my God".Olivia breathed."Liv,they found your prints and a few hairs there."Elliot said."I was in his office almost everyday while we were dating and thats where he raped me".Olivia said."Liv,they found your off-duty service revolver there too,by his dead body,with two shots fired out of shot was in Moss's head the other was in his chest near his heart".Elliot said."Oh Fuck".Olivia wished she hadnt said what she said now,when they were arguing outside of his office in front of all of those people.

"Liv,where were you last night"?Elliot asked."I was home".Olivia said."Alone"?Elliot asked.",shit,that wont hold up as my alibi,I know full well that that never works".Olivia said."Liv,is everything okay"?Casey asked,she and Alex rounding the corner and joining them."No,its about to be a suspect in Kurt Moss's murder".Olivia said."Someone murdered the raping bastard,good for them".Alex said."No,its not,because I look guilty".Olivia said."How"?Alex asked."They somehow found my off-duty service Glock at the scene".Olivia said."Liv,please say you didnt kill him".Casey said."I didnt".Olivia said.

"Then how was your gun at the scene"?Alex asked."I dont know,I havent seen either of my guns since Elliot took them three weeks ago".Olivia said."Oh shit,this is not good".Casey shook her red head and sighed."Liv,if they make me the ADA then Im gonna have to crucify you".She said."Just say no,thats what I'll do".Alex said."Liv,Tucker's going to come by tomarrow to talk to you".Elliot said."Oh God,why is all the bad crap happening to me now"?Olivia cell phone rang."One minute".She walked off to answer it."Olivia Benson".She answered."Hey,sis".Simon said."Hey,Simon".Olivia said."Whats wrong"?Simon asked."Just alot of crap is happening right now".Olivia said."Like what"?Simon asked.

"I cant tell you over the phone".Olivia said."Im in the city seeing some friends,we could meet for dinner and you could talk about it".Simon said."You sure,I wouldnt want to take you away from your friends".Olivia said."Yeah,sure,we can meet at Five Guys Diner on 8th".Simon said."Alright,see you in a few".Olivia said."Bye".Simon said."Bye".Olivia hung up and went back to Casey,Alex and Elliot."Who was that"?Elliot asked."Simon".Olivia said."What did he want"?Elliot asked."He wants to meet for dinner".Olivia said."We can out some other time,Liv,go see your brother".Alex said."Thanks".Olivia said.

Simon was ten minutes behind Olivia when he came into the looked up as he walked over and smiled."Hey".She said."Hey".Simon said."I ordered you some coffee".Olivia said."Thanks".Simon said."So,how's Lucy and Stevie"?Olivia asked."They're 've been in Colorado for the last week visiting Lucy's parents,so I've been by myself".Simon said."You should've called me,we could've hung out or something".Olivia said."I will next time they fly should hang out more often".Simon said.A silence covered the table as a waitress put down the plain white mug of coffee and then walked poured in some cream and sugar and watched Olivia while he stired it all in.

"So,what was so bad that you couldnt tell me over the phone,sis"?He asked."Three weeks ago I was raped".Olivia started."Oh my God,are you okay"?Simon asked."Yeah,but the guy who raped me,my ex-boyfriend,was found murdered".Olivia said."Isnt that good for you then,now you dont have to worry about him if he gets found not guilty at the trial"?Simon asked."Simon,they found one of my guns at the crime scene".Olivia said."Oh no".Simon said."Yeah,one of the IAB's agents was in the precinct this morning and pretty much told my partner that I was the main suspect".Olivia said."Oh no,Liv,is there anything I can do"?Simon asked."Not unless you can suddenly give me an alibi for last night because thats when he was murdered and wouldnt you have it,the first night I've been unwatched by Elliot all week".Olivia said."Liv,I never forgot how you helped me when I was in trouble,let me help you now".Simon said.

"How"?Olivia asked him."I'll be your alibi".Simon said."Thats sweet but unless you have ESP and saw that I was home all night then you cant".Olivia said."Liv,I trust you,I know your too good of a person to kill anyone,even someone who hurt you,so lets make up not guilty so in the long run what will one little lie hurt.I know that if you say you were home alone it wont hold up so why dont we have you being in New Jersey with me yesterday"?Simon stared at him."Lets say you called me Monday night,you were feeling a little low and asked if I wanted to hang out.I said you could so you drove to New Jersey the next morning and you stayed all day yesterday and that you didnt get home until early this morning".Simon said."Simon,we cant".Olivia said."Im your brother,Im supposed to protect you,so let me do it now".Simon took her hand and gave her a pleading look.

"Simon,if they find out we lied you could go to jail for aiding and abetting and obstruction,rendering a police investigation and giving a false like,five years in a Federal facility".Olivia said."It will be worth it".Simon felt the tears well up and she smiled."Your my sister,I just want to keep you belong here in New York putting bad guys behind bars and making the city a little safer,doing what your good at,not in some jail cell warding off nutcases who want to screw you up".Simon sputtered a laugh and the tears started leaking."Your the greatest,Simon".She said.

"So are we'll do this then?You'll let me help you"?Simon asked."Okay,but if we get caught then you have to let me take the fall,you have a kid and a wife,you cant go to jail because your sister's got a crazy life".Olivia said."Deal".Simon said."Thank you,Simon,if this works out then I will owe you for life".Olivia said."No,it would be even".Simon gave her a small smile."Be ready tomarrow to have to talk to some guy named Tucker".Olivia said."I will.I'll even stay with you in the city tonight to be ready".Simon said."Okay".Olivia said."This will work.I wont let you go to jail".Simon said."I hope your right".Olivia said,sighing,a sinking feeling filling her chest with dread.

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	10. Chapter 10Digging Herself A Deep Grave

"Detective Benson,do you know why your here"?Tucker asked."Yes,because Kurt Moss is dead and because he raped me I had motive".Olivia said."Do you want your lawyer or PBA rep here"?Tucker asked."No,Im not guilty".Olivia said."Alright".Tucker said."And I have an alibi".Olivia said,feeling the butterfilies start up."Go ahead".Tucker said."I was in New Jersey with my brother,Simon Marsden".Olivia said."Can he vouch for that"?Tucker asked."Yes,I was at his house.I called him on Monday night,I was feeling a little down about things,you know,the rape,bad dreams,all that and I asked him if I could come visit or maybe if he just wanted to hang said I should drive to Jersey and come see I did.I left early Tuesday morning and I got home early Wednsday morning".Olivia leaned back in his seat.

"And that the truth,you arent making it up?I will call your brother and ask him".He said."No need,he's here,when I found out I was in trouble I called him and asked him to make himself 's in the waiting room outside of your office right now".Olivia said,calm as cucumber even though inside she was shaking."Then lets have a little talk with ".Tucker went out and came back with Simon.",your sister claims that she was at your home in New Jersey all Tuesday into early Wednsday morning,is that the truth,would you swear it on a stack of Bibles"?Tucker asked."Where's the Bible"?Simon asked produced one from under his stack of papers."Place your right hand on the Bible,raise your left".Tucker did as he said.

"Do you swear by this statement as it is the truth,the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God"?Tucker asked."I do".Simon said."Then you can both go".Tucker slid her arm through Simon's and they hurried out."Holy shit,I was sure that dude could hear my heart pounding".Simon said as they got in his Honda."I know,I had butterflies like nobody's business".Olivia said."Wanna go get lunch"?Simon asked."Yeah".Olivia said."I know a little dinner down the street,its really good."Simon drove them was great but Olivia couldnt shake the feeling that something really bad was going to happen soon.

"How'd it go at Tucker's"?Elliot asked as Olivia sat down at her desk across from him."It was okay,Im good for now".Olivia said."So how bad did he question you about your alibi"?Elliot shifted nervously and looked around."Not too bad".She lied."He wasnt hard on you about not having one"?Elliot asked."Noooo".Olivia said slowly."What"?Elliot asked."Um,nothing,why"?Olivia asked."You seem nervous,did something happen in there"?Elliot asked."No".Olivia said got up and went to get a cup of followed her."Liv,what happened?Did he tell you he was going to arrest you for not having an alibi"?Elliot looked around and set her cup back on the table.

She pulled him by his wrist to the corner."I had an alibi".She said."Liv,you and I both know very well that being home alone isnt an alibi".Elliot said."No,I had an alibi,El".Olivia said softly."Liv,whta did you do"?Elliot asked."Elliot,we have a vic at Mercy,take Fin and go check it out,Grace Munro,sixteen".Cragen called from the doorway of his nodded at him and then turned back to Olivia."Go".She said."Liv,tell me."Elliot said."Later".Olivia left and so did went home to hide out from everyone.

Elliot gave fin the car anf walked to Olivia' wanted to knwo what had happened and why she was being so sketchy about let himself in with his key and took the stairs to avoid having to wait forever for the saw her immediently asleep on the sofa when he came in and didnt think he could wait that turned the TV off and shook her jumped up and screeched slightly."Its me".Elliot said."Oh,hey".Olivia said."So,tell me,what happened"?Elliot asked."Dont get angry at me okay".Olivia started."Liv,just tell me".Elliot kneeled beside her and stared at her.

He could see the worry and fear in her big brown eyes,in three weeks Olivia had gone from his bright and shiney partner to someone who looked her fourty-three years."I lied about my alibi,El".She said after a dee breath."What"?Elliot asked in shock."When I met Simon for dinner last night he asked if everything was okay and I told him wanted to be my said I hadnt hesitated to help him when he had been the one in trouble so he wouldnt hesitate to help he came up with the story that I spent Tuesday in Jersey.I didnt want to at first but he convinced me that since Im innocent then in the long run one little lie wouldnt hurt".Olivia said."Liv,this "little lie" could put you both behind bars if someone ever found two are risking everything".Elliot said.

"You think I dont know that?You think I dont know whats at risk here,Elliot?Im going to be fucking tried for the murder of the man who raped me!And Im not sorry he died!Im scraed and nervous and suddenly everyone is against me!Im going to loose my job and my pension and everything if I get arrested!And I didnt even do anything!So yes,Elliot,I think I know all thats at risk here"!Olivia yelled."Your risking everything and now Im in on it"!Elliot yelled."You made me tell you"!Olivia exclaimed."You should've told me it could get me in trouble too!"Elliot yelled."Calm down you pyscotic ape"!Olivia yelled.

Elliot groaned and sat down with his face in his hands."You have dug yourself a deep grave,Olivia,you cant get out of this Tucker finds out you lied about your alibi your going to I cant protect you there".Elliot said."I dont need you to protect me".Olivia said."Obviously you do or else you wouldnt be in this position"!Elliot got up and stormed to the door."Are you going to tell on me"?Olivia asked."What are you,a freaking four year old"?Elliot growled."Well are you"?Olivia pulled the door open and stormed out,slamming it shut with all his jumped and stared,shaking at the if he told on them and she went to jail?Olivia already knew she couldnt and wouldnt survive prison.

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	11. Chapter 11Arrested

Olivia sat in fear for the next two and a half days that Tucker and his meryyy band of minions would knock her door down and arrest her.I was literally making her nauseous and she'd been sick about five times since he had deciding at noon on the third day that Elliot wasnt going to be a rat she texted him that she was sorry she lied to Tucker but she couldnt go to jail,not now,she wouldnt make didnt respond which made her really enough to call he didnt answer the phone after three tries Olivia almost had a nervous finally called back and said he's been busy all day.

"Im still really scared that Im gonna get arrested".Olivia stole a spoonful of Olivia's huge ice cream sundae and ate it with a thoughtful look."If they havent by now then I doubt you will be".She came back from the ladies room and joined them."She's still worried".Casey said."Look,the DA hasnt said anything to me about you being arrested so I doubt you will been three days after all".Alex said."Im still just really worried.I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that saying something bad is going to happen soon".Olivia said."Maybe its just this bad stuff has happened to you and your pysce is waiting for the bottom to drop out".Casey said."Hello!Who's been taking a leaf out of George Huang's book lately".Alex was the first to leave for home.

The next morning Olivia decided to go see why Elliot wasnt responding to her texts and phone wasnt in the bull pen when she came in and that worried her."Come in"!Cragen called when she knocked on his slid in."Hey,Cap,whats been going on around here lately"?She asked with a 's face fell just slightly when he saw who it was and he looked worrisome."You know,the same old thing".He said,his voice tinged with worry and nerves."Cap,Don,whats going on"?Olivia asked."Liv,I hate this,I really do,but this morning I got a call from Arthur Branch,they sent out a warrent for your said he checked into your alibi that you spent the day Kurt Moss was killed in New Jersey and you know you told me the day you told him and maybe I could help somehow,I tried everything,Im out of options.I am so sorry".Don said.

"im under arrest"?Olivia asked."Yes".Don said sadly."What about Simon?Im taking the blame,I forced him to help me,I'll take his punishment".Olivia said."Tucker mentioned that but he said he really doesnt care about Simon lying for you,he just wanted to get you for this because he knows your guilty".Don said."But Im not!I didnt!He's going after me because he hates me".Olivia said,her voice going up an octave."Liv,I know that,we all do,we know you would never kill anyone unless it was justified."Don said."Did they tell you to arrest my if you saw me"?Olivia asked."Yes".Don said."Okay,go ahead,Im ready".Olivia said.

Don stood with a weary sigh."Be glad,at least,that Casey and Alex are refusing to be your going to have ADA Rebecca Crausse".Don put her hands behind her back as he prduced cuff."Olivia Benson you are under arrest for the murder of Kurt Moss,you have the right to remain silent,anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law,you have the right to an attorney".He said in a montone."I understand my rights".Olivia said,her voice quivering gently as he could Don lead her out of his office with everyone suddenly turning and watching and took her down to be escorted to the tombs."Liv!"Elliot yelled,seeing them as they went to the elevator."El".Olivia said.

"Don,why did you arrest her"?Elliot asked."DA said I had to.I was on the phone all night trying to convince them not too".Don said."I'll go with you,Liv,I wont let you stay in there alone".Elliot said."Can I take her myself"?He asked Don."Yes".Don handed Olivia off to Elliot and slowly backed looked up at her partner with big,scared eyes."It'll be okay,I'll get Trevor down there immediently".Elliot got in the elevator and Elliot pressed for the gargage."Im going to jail,El,Im going to jail,then Im going to prison".Olivia said in a dead voice."No,I will never let that happen".Elliot exited the elevator and went to a car."You can ride up front,your not a criminal".Elliot unlocked the cuffs and opened the passanger door for slid in and Elliot shut the door.

"You cant go any further with her,Detective".The uniform in charge of getting Olivia booked said."Like hell I cant".Elliot said."El,it'll be okay.I'll be okay".Olivia said,giving him a small smile."I'll have you out in no time".Casey called,appearing at the two-seven when Elliot texted her."I got you on Judge Donnelly's docket for arraignment tomarrow morning at eleven so you only have to spend the night here".Casey said."Is Crausse going to my arraingment ADA too"?Olivia asked."Yes".Casey said."Okay".Olivia swallowed hard."I love you guys".She gave her a fierce hug."I'll pray for you tonight".She said softly."Thanks".Olivia let her go and was escorted and Olivia stared at each other for a moment."Liv".He said softly."El".Olivia started to cry.

Elliot crushed her to his chest and held onto uniform was being more than fair with the goodbye time and Elliot hoped he didnt start to rush burried his face in Olivia's sweet smelling hair and kissed the crown of her head."I'll be at the courthouse in the morning,I wont let you be alone".He said."I know you'd never".Olivia held onto her tight."I'll see you in the morning".Elliot said."See ya tomarrow".Olivia said."Keep yourself alert,dont talk if you can help it and for God sake dont tell anyone your a cop".Elliot kissed her cheek and released her."El,I've never asked you for this favor before,but...pray for me,okay"?Olivia asked."All night".Elliot smiled at her as she was taken away from him.

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	12. Chapter 12The Tombs

"Turn to the left and hold the id card in fron of you facing the camera".The uniform had stood for mug shots three times in her life,twice undercover and once being falsely was her second time being falsely accused but yet it wasnt something you get used she compleated her mug shot,she was printed and then a full body cavity/strip search was she was given an orange jumpsuit and assigned a cell."Ooh,,baby,whats your name"?One of her cellmates said,leering and oogling Oliva like she was a slice of beef up for grabs.

Olivia put her stack of sheets and one blanket and pillow on the empty bottom bunk of a bed and sat down,remembering Elliot's words to not get angry."Hey,Princess,I spoke to you,you gonna say Hi back or do I have to pound it outta you"?The girl said."Hi".Olivia whispered."Thats better,this one learns fast".Her cellmate slid off her bunk and plopped down on Olivia's bunk."Whats up,Im Kat".She said."Olivia".Olivia said."Thats Iggy,Megan and Sara".Kat said."Hey".Iggy said."Whats up"?Sara didnt say anything,she just stared at Olivia like she wanted to jump her."Ignore her,she's just a little off".Kat nodded."You lookin a sick there,Princess,you aint gonna die on me now are you"?Kat asked."Im just not feeling good right now".Olivia felt like she was going to throw up."Gross".Kat said."is Kat short for something"?Olivia asked,trying to distract herself from the nausea."Yeah,Katrina".Kat couldnt help but laugh inwardly at the irony of being in prison with a girl named Katrina who prefered Kat,it screamed Sealview.

"What're ya in for"?Sara asked."Murder".Olivia said."Jeez,hell yeah,who'd you take out"?Kat asked."I didnt,Im innocent".Olivia cellies laughed."Honey,you keep tellin yaself that and maybe you'll survive this whole process".Kat said."I really am guy they say I killed raped me one day and magically he ended up dead because someone stole my gun".Olivia could see Elliot shaking his head angrilly that she totally didnt listen to him about the whole not speaking thing."So,someone stole your piece and shot the bastard".Kat said."Yeah,the bad part is we argued in front of his coworkers right before he raped me and I said I wish I had my gun because if I did I would've put a bullet in his head and one in his how he was killed".Olivia said."Shit,doesnt that suck for you".Kat said.

"Your gonna be okay,you got a tough girl quality in you.I think we'll get along".Kat said."Yeah,I hope".Olivia said wouldnt look to good to her friends if Olivia came into court the next day covered in injuries."Who's arraingnin you"?Sara asked."Donnelly,I think".Olivia said."Tough bitch,she denied me bail and put me in here".Sara said."I know Liz Donnelly and she's actually really nice".Olivia said."She wasnt to me".Sara laughed slightly."You get some rest,you look like death warmed over,I can feel myself getting sick just lookin atcha".Kat moved back to her own bunk and let Olivia get her bed put dizzy feeling came back and Olivia felt herself tilting.

"Holy shit!We need some help down here!She fainted"!Kat uniforms came running and came in the cell."Why'd she faint"?One of them asked."She said she wasnt feeling good and she looked sick".Kat groaned and came too."Hey,Benson,you need a doctor"?One of the unies asked."No,Im good fine".Olivia eased up onto her bed and waited for the world to stop spinning."Okay".The Uniforms all left giving her looks that varied from worried to she's nuts.

Olivia felt a hand on her mouth and her eyes flew open."Dont scream,detective".Megan whispered."What are you doing"?Olivia squeaked."You dont remember me,Detective Benson".Megan said."No,I dont,Im sorry".Olivia said."Megan put my brother away in 2003".Megan said."Oh shit".Olivia said."My brother was innocent and you locked him got raped and killed behind bars."Megan said."I had no controll over I technically didnt put him away,a jury of his peers did".Olivia pulled her up off her punk and pushed up against the wall behind them."I swore on his soul I'd get back at the ones who put him away".She hissed."Im sorry,im really sorry you lost a brother but I was just doing my job".Olivia said."You didnt listen to him and then that bitch Cabot got him locked up and killed".Megan fist came back and make contact with Olivia's face.

Olivia geared up for another and she was prepared for it,until she had a flashback to Kurt pounding on her face while he raped didnt know whta was happening but suddenly the hitting stopped and her cellies were telling her to stop sank to the floor in a ball and shook and sobbed."Stop hitting me,please,stop hitting me"!She screamed."What the hell".Kat and Iggy held a struggling Megan back while a gaurd unlocked the cell door."What the hell is going on"?He asked loudly."We heard screaming and woke up and Megan was going ape shit on Princess and now princess is screaming and she wont stop".Iggy gaurd showed up."Take this one to another cell while I get Benson to be quiet".The gaurd approched Olivia who was curled up in a ball on the floor,sobbing and begging Kurt to stop."Benson,its over,she's gone".He said.

Olivia heard what he said but she couldnt stop."Just put her in bed and leave her then".He said after a and Kat hoisted her and dropped her on the bed."How are we gonna get any sleep with her sobbing like a little baby over there"?Sara asked Iggy."Just let her be,guys,she's obviously been through a wringer before she got here".Kat got in bed and the lights turned off managed to get down to just hyperventilating and fell knew her cellies were glad she had finally shut up.

"Docket Ending 44764 the State of New York V Olivia Serena Benson:One count providing a false police statement,one count hendering a police inverstigation and one count murder in the first degree".The court report called Langan helped Olivia to her feet."The Honorable Elizabeth Donnelly presiding".Judge Donnelly entered the room and walked up to her seat."How does your client plead,"?She asked."Not guilty".Olivia said."If I have ever believed someone to be not guilty its on bail,".Judge Donnelly said."Remand".Rebecca Crausse said."Objection your honor,my client is a decorated member of the NYPD with many awards for service and accomadations from even the governer,and furthermore,she is a police officer,police officers are main targets in jail,and my client was recently raped and not in a good mental state,which may make her have flashback to when she was almost raped on an undercover assignment in a prison.I suggest ROR".Trevor said.

"Your Honor, is accused of murdering the man who raped her,she's a huge flight risk and a risk to herself and others, was commited to Mercy General three weeks ago because she slit her wrist".Crausse said."The circumstances at the time were tenuous for _Detective _Benson,your honor,her great name had been dragged through the mud by her coworkers and her was distraught at the time".Trevor said"I agree with on that.I'll meet you halfway,,bail is set at one-hundred thousand and the defendant must relinquish her passport and all wepons".Judge Donnelly said.

She banged her gavel for a ten minute recess."I cant go to jail".Olivia whispered."You'll be out in no time".Trevor promised."I dont have one-hundred thousand dollars".Olivia said."Dont worry,Liv,I'll take care of it".Alex said,appearing at her hugged her friend."What happened to you"?Casey asked,joing them with Elliot,Fin,John and Cragen in full uniform."I met up with the sister of a guy we put away in my cell last told me he had been raped and killed behind bars and that she had vowed to get I got what was coming".Olivia said."You look like you got in a fight with Mickey Hargitay".Casey said."I feel like it".Olivia two uniformed gaurds took her by the arms and started to pull her away."Im posting your bail now,Liv,you'll be out in an hour"!Alex called.

The ride to Rikers was silent,the two officers in the front seat cautiously stealing glances at their sister in blue sitting in cuffs in the stared out the window as the city faded crossed the Queensborough Bridge and Olivia couldnt help but think about how gorgeous the damned bridge was compleately and totally pulled up at the gate at Rikers and Olivia was soon escorted inside to check was already there with a change of clothes for Olivia."Her bails been posted,let her go".Alex of the officers released the cuffs and Olivia took the clothes to the bathroom near hardly got the door shut before she was on her knees hugging the toilet,throwing everything up.

"Liv!You okay"?Alex called."Yes".Olivia groaned."Are you sure,cause it sounded like you puked your spleen out".Alex said."Im okay now".Olivia splashed some water in her mouth and gargled had never been so glad to see a pair of faded jeans and an old grey cashmere sweater that had belonged to her held it to her nose and smelled like Serena and pulled on the clean panties and bra and then the clothes and came out."Thanks,Alex,I own you for life".She held a piece of Spearmint out at her."So your breath doesnt stink".She said."Thanks".Olivia said.

Popping the gum in her mouth they strolled out to Alex's car."We're all getting lunch and then your coming with Casey and me to Bliss,if anyone needs a spa day,its you".Alex said."Your a saint,never leave me".Olivia got in the passanger seat and they drove back into the city."Elliot broke down when they took you away,he said you in jail wasnt right and then he sat down and started to took him home,you wanna stop by and see him while we're in Queens"?Alex asked."Yes".Olivia said."Alright".Alex turned down a street and headed for Glen Stabler was outside playing with Eli when they pulled up.

"Aunt Livi"!Eli ran on his chubby legs to Olivia who scooped him up and gave him a hug."Hey little El,your getting so big,you look like your daddy".She said."Daddy is sad".Eli said."I know".Olivia came over."Im so sorry to hear about all the things that are happening right couldnt believe it when Elliot told us that you had been arrested.I mean,you,capable of murder?No way".She said." is he?"Olivia asked."Well,he came in all angry and crying about an hour ago,stormed upstairs,stayed there for about ten minutes and then he came storming down muttering looking even more angry and got in his car and drove didnt answer my call".Kathy said."Crap".Olivia said."Thats not a nice word".Eli said cutely."I know,Im sorry,do I owe you a quarter"?Olivia asked.

She and Alex drove back to Manhattan and met Casey,Fin,John and Don for lunch at a diner near the precinct."How was the ride over"?John asked."Ah,you know,walk in the park".Olivia said."How long were you there"?Fin asked."Ten minutes while I already had my bail posted and was waiting with clean clothes".Olivia stomach turned and she scampered to the bathroom and threw up."She threw up at Rikers too.I hope she isnt getting the flu or something".Alex came out looking pale and drawn."I feel like shit".She let her lean on him while they ate."She's asleep".Alex pointed out after a while.

"Wake her up,we still have to go to Bliss".Casey shook her gently."What"?Olivia grumbled."You fell asleep".Alex said."Shit,Im sorry".Olivia sat up and felt dizzy again and layed her head on her arm that was resting on the table."Are you okay"?Fin asked."I dont feel good at all".Olivia muttered."Poor baby".Casey said."Come on,girls,we have to go now".Alex and Olivia followed her to her car."Have you guys ever been to Bliss before"?Alex asked."And again I point out that neither of us have trust funds or rich daddies".Casey said."I dont have a daddy at all".Olivia got in the car.

The name Bliss was perfect because by the time they all left with fresh hair cuts and mani/pedis Olivia hadly felt sick at had a deep body massage,a foot massage,a seaweed wrap,a facial,a hair cut,the mani/pedi,body seasalt scrub exfoliator and something that was supposed to make the skin on your neck nice and tight so she wouldnt get a turkey gobble one it was she felt amazing."Thanks for the pampering,Alex,it was just what I needed".She said as they walked out."Hell yeah,I'll marry you if you promise me spa treatments everyweek".Casey said."Are you sure you dont want us to stay with you tonight,Liv?"Alex asked."Im sure".Olivia said."Alright".Alex hugged them and hailed a cab and went home.

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	13. Chapter 13On Trial

It was a week first day of Olivia's trial was in one day and she was freaking out."So,tomarrow morning,I want you to wear your dress uniform,okay,we need to instill in the jury who you are".Trevo said."How many times will you want me in uniform for trial"?Olivia thought for a moment while he chewed on his breadstick."At least every other couple of days.I'll tell you need the jury to remember your a decorated officer,an accomadated a good person,one of the good they can have that at the back of they're minds through the trial it may help in the verdict".Trevor said.

Olivia twirled her spaghetti around the prongs of her fork was getting really tired of waiting and now she was sick with past week half of her time had been spent praying to the porecline gods."You should eat,Olivia,you need the strength".Trevor said."Im just so nervous and I dont feel too well,I might have to take it with me".Olivia said."By all means,but please make sure your well rested and fed tomarrow morning,I dont want you passing out during the bring a snack so you dont loose dont know this but I've served jury duty three times since I turned eightteen and everytime we made a little bit of our decsion on how alert and focused the defendent they participate,if they write things down,make questions to be asked,write down things you think are important,you know."Trevor said."Alright".Olivia nibbled on a noodle and stared aimlessly.

"Hey,it'll be over soon".Trevor said softly."I hope your right,Im so tired of all of this".Olivia said."No one should have to go through this".Trevor said."Yeah,seems Im the exception to every rule in the book".Olivia said."Hey,you have one of the best lawyers in New York as your defense attorney,you'll be perfectly okay".Trevor said."I wish that confidant attitude could one hundred percent guarantee me a not guilty verdict".Olivia stood up."I'll be right back".She crossed the restaruant and went to the ladies room and threw up again.

"Okay,Im convinced Im dying".Olivia said as she sat down in her seat the next morning in the courtroom."Did you get sick again"?Trevor asked."Yes".Olivia said."If you need to do it durning the trial tell me and I'll ask for a break".Trevor said."Alright".Olivia Crausse entered the courtroom and glanced over at started to sweat in her uniform and got worried that she wouldnt make it through the day without passing out.

"Trial part 34-Docket ending 44567,The State of New York V Olivia Serena Honorable Judge Donnelly rise".Trevor helped Olivia up and they all waited as Judge Donnelly made her way to her seat."Be seated".She said.

Rebecca Crausse cleared her throat and stood."Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury.I know what your thinking,how could the lady at the defense table with the pretty face wearing the regal NYPD uniform ever kill someone when she wasnt on the job.I know,its hate to think our policemen and women are capable of such a horrible the NYPD is not on trial today,no,Olivia Benson is on trial for the murder of an upstanding reporter for the Moss had his life cut short when Olivia Benson maliciously used her own wepon to put two bullets in his head and attorney will argue that she didnt do this,but we have witnesses and statements and DNA to prove our lets not forget that we have Olivia Benson's wepon at the crime will become evident that she did it through out this you".She sat stood and faced the jury.

"What a thrilling opening argument from the Prosecution,Im sure many of you were a bit taken by 's lets not forget that in the American Legal System,one of the best in the world,A Person Is Innocent Until Proven one has proven Detective Olivia Benson of anything except that she knew the desceased and that she had an altercation with that Detective Benson was raped by the desceased and forevermore destoyed by an angry and evil her fifteen years as one of New York's Finest Detective's Detective Benson has never been found capable of such a henious act such as murder unless she was saving the life of a helpless that is what my client does,she saves people everyday of her life,she puts the most evil criminals away and makes the city safe for each and everyone of is a helpful,selfless person who is no more capable of murder than my three year old niece".Trevor sat down,satisfied.

"You did fantastic,you wrote down some really good questions for our witnesses and the ones I'll tear apart tomarrow."Trevor said."I wanna go on the stand,Trevor,I want to defend myself".Olivia said."If you want to testify then I'll let you but it'll be between people so you arent the last thing on the juries mind when they go to deliberate."Trevor said."Okay".Olivia said."And you did do really good".Trevor offered her a smile and turned her over to her friends."I want ice cream".She said."Lets go get some then".Elliot said,sliding his arm around went to the little ice cream vendor cart that was at the end of the courthouse stairs and got Olivia her ice cream."So how do you guys think the first day went"?Olivia asked as they walked toward's her apartment."It went well".Alex hoped she was right.

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	14. Chapter 14Nightmares And Nosy Neighbors

The trial lasted a business week,Monday to friday Olivia was sure she would crazy waiting for the results to come would read them Monday morning at eight am and then the rest of Olivia's life would be prosecution used about fifteen people from Kurt's office who heard Olivia say what she said about putting two bullets in Kurt's head and heart and they were extreamly the thing Olivia was sure could make her or break her is if the jury could get the story about how she'd been arrested for murder once before out of they're had the nerve to bring up that case where Olivia had been accused of killing the biker and even gave them the DNA Trevor hadnt acted as fast as he had objecting and getting it thrown out then she was sure she'd be down the river.

"You'll be okay".Elliot lifted her head from her knees and looked at him with big despondant eyes."El,Im so afraid right now.I got out of the last one but Im not getting out of this tore me apart on the stand and Im pretty sure the jury didnt like going straight to jail."Olivia pushed a carton of shrimp lo mein at Olivia over the coffee table."Eat,you need to eat".He straightened up and took the carton."Im so sick but I cant stop eating,its when I get nervous I dont have an appetite at all but I do now".She twirled a big clump of noodles around her fork and ate them.

Elliot joined her on the sofa and just held knew she was scared,he got that,but she didnt need to spend all weekend worrying,it wouldnt do her any good."Im so sorry you have to go through this,Liv,you of all people dont deserve it".He kissed her cheek and squeased her gave her her fork and pointed at the white carton that was hardly touched sitting on the coffee ate a little more before she was utterly surpressed a huge yawn and Elliot got up."Okay,,time for bed,lets go".He stood up and caught her and set her upright.

"There you okay".He lifted her easily and carried her into her bedroom."Is it safe?No camera to film me tucking you in?I'd hate to be the cause of another office scandal".He laughed softly,the sound low and rumbly in Olivia's heart was like a lullabye to her,beating and vibrating in her was asleep before she left his layed her on the peach colored silk sheets and pulled the light blue down comforter over a minute he just stared at her,she really was something more beautiful than he'd ever 'd loved her for as long as he could remember and he wanted so badly to tell her that he was getting divorced with the trial and the verdict and all the bad shit going on in her life,Elliot thought it was best to just wait.

He didnt know how much longer he could hold out on that decleration thought that in a few short weeks he'd be free was an awkening for had his new apartment set up a block over from Olivia and now all he needed was her consent to enter into her life more compleatly than he that was pretty pressed a small,tender kiss on her pursed lips and went out to the livingroom to clean wasnt dirty,there were just a few beer cans lying around on the table and the cartons of food they hadnt he went hated to leave,especially because as he pulled the door shut he heard the first of the whimpers that would most likely become full out screams of terror by the time the clock struck 'd keep his phone on just in case.

Olivia woke up sobbing was it she was dealing with the rape so well when she was awake but at night she was a child again?It was the same when Lowell Harris attacked pretty much dealt with it when she awake and at work but at night she was a wreck,watching the door,listening to sounds,soon it had been after the attack that even a car backfiring was Harris as he kicked over her hiding silly it seemed to Olivia,having hidden now,he surely would've found her after awhile and the punishment would've been far worse had she just taken what was grabbed the phone preparing to call Elliot but decided against was just overreacting to a layed back down.

The sound of the apartment door creaking open made Olivia sit up like a ramrod and heard it close quietly and tensed as the footsteps becamed muffled as they trodded over the new carpet she put down in the livingroom and then they turned hollow and hard again as they came down the reached for her gun,no gun on the dashed out of bed to her closet and looked for her Louisville Slugger and waited by the slightly ajar bedroom door.A hand slid around it and it slowly entered and grabbed the bat as it swung didnt say a word,just lifted her and carried her to couldnt scream,she couldnt removed her clothes and raped her,over and over and over until he pulled out a gun,her own gun,and fired it twice...in Olivia's head and heart.

"Noooooo"!She sat up in bed with tears running down her cheeks clutching her chest and head in her braced herself on the bed and looked around,her chest was horribly hot and drenched in swallowed hard and ran for the bathroom as her stomach decided to play nusance she came out running a cold cloth over her arms someone starting knocking on the front grabbed the bat she had dreamed about out of the closet and crept to the door."Who is it"?She asked."Police,Ma'am".Olivia peeked through the peephole."Sheilds".She commanded.

Two silver sheilds came into view and Olivia cautiously wrenched open the door after unlocking the chain,deadbolt and uniformed officers stood on the other side plus ,her nosy neighbor from down the hall."Can I help you"?She asked."Is everything okay here"?One of them asked."Yeah,why"?Olivia asked."Your neighbor heard you screaming bloody murder for about an hour".The other one said."Oh,I was having a really bad okay".Olivia said."Are you,can you not tell us"?The first officer asked."Yes,Im perfectly alright."Olivia said."Alright,have a good rest of the evening".Olivia pushed the door shut and relocked took the bat and herself back to the bedroom and threw it in the closet.

She layed down and put the rag over her clock on her bedside table said got up and decided to go for a jog,she'd been neglecting her workout and excissing for a month now and needed to get back in shape,just in case she got sent up the pulled on a pair of Lycra running shorts,a sports bra,an old grey NYPD tee and a pair of Nikes and hurried was cold as fuck but she didnt slid her earbuds in and took off running,heading towards the early in the morning not many were out,which made the city all that more oddly didnt feet lead her where they ran for two hours until she was sure she was going to pass out so she went home and fell into a dark,dreamless sleep.

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	15. Chapter 15When Walls Come Tumbling Down

"Can I get you another one"?A smooth,cocky male voice swiveled on her bar stool and looked at the person who dared interup her from doing nothing but drink."Sure".She said,deeming this guy as others,one Olivia was sure was on heroin,had offered but she didnt like the look of one seemed nice enough:Mid-thirties,dark brown hair,a pair of great green eyes hidden by a pair of silver wire frame glasses and a nice smile,in a suit with no tie,Wall Street maybe."What are you having"?He asked."Grey goose martini with two olives,dirty".Olivia said,more to the bartender.

"Im Drew".Her suiter said with a cocky stopped short of telling him her real name and decided that tonight she wanted to play pretend."Im Martin".She said,tossing her hair back,her chest foreward and smiling like a winner who wasnt dead on the inside."Its nice to meet you,Rachel".Drew said."You too".Olivia said."So,Rachel,what do you do for work?Model"?Drew asked with a grin."No,Im an investment banker on Wall Street".Olivia said."Oh,thats cool,Im a Futures Vender,what bank are you with"?Drew took a sip of her new drink."Ah,you know,one of em".She said."Alright".Drew said.

Somehow they wound up fucking in Olivia's bed after quite a few was last run before her life ended the next was more than content to press his sweaty sticky body against her's and call it cuddling but Olivia wasnt having sat up and grabbed her bathrobe from where she tossed it sometime earlier and pulled it on."Im gonna go take a shower,um,I had fun,the door is that way".She 's face fell faster than his erection did after he came."I have to go"?He nodded quickly."Yeah".She picked up Drew's man thong from where it landed on Herman the bear's big leg and tossed them to him."See ya around".She closed the door and listened to the clearly disgruntled naked man make his way out of her laughed and got a shower.

Trevor mostly talked shop with her while they waited outside the courtroom for their turn to go and Casey and Alex ran up to them."Did we miss it"?Alex panted."No,we have five more minutes until we go in".Olivia said."How are you holding up"?Casey asked."Ah,you know,basketcase of nerves".Olivia winced as the crowd in the courtroom piled out,her hangover steady."Are you okay"?Elliot asked."Yeah,just a wee bit hungover".Olivia said."Lets go".Trevor gently lead her stopped and turned around and leaned up to Elliot."Stay let me fall".She whispered."Absolutely".Elliot whispered.

The two looked deep into each others eyes for a knew exactly what Elliot wanted to tell her,she could read him like a book and Elliot knew what she thinking just as well.A small smile formed on Olivia's lips,it was sad and stroked a loose strand of hair behind her ear."It'll be okay".He promised."I hope so".Olivia said."Olivia".Trevor took Elliot's hand and they walked up to her table."It'll be okay,Liv,I wont let them take you from me".Elliot murmered."You better not."Olivia warned let him go and sat down in her sat directly behind her,Casey to his left,ALex to his ,John and Don filed in last,panting as they had hurried to get there.

"All rise for the Honorable Judge Donnelly".Trevor helped Olivia Donnelly sat down."Bring in the jury".She looked at Olivia and then the people behind hadnt believed for a minute that Olivia Benson had been capable of murder and she would have made that her verdict had she been the judge but Olivia had opted for a trial by jurt filed in and took they're seats."Has the jury reached a verdict"?She asked."We have,your Honor".The foreman baillif took the envelop to Judge Donnelly who read it over.

"Please announce the verdict to the court".She said."We,the jury,find the defendent,Olivia Serena Benson Guilty of Murder in the first degree".The foreman said.

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	16. Chapter 16In A Cage At Rikers

Olivia's knees buckled and she dropped to the floor."No".She fell back into Casey and Alex's arms."NO"!He started to got up and threw her arms around Elliot."El,dont let them take me!Dont let them take me to jail"!She wailed."You said she would be okay"!Casey yelled at 's other guys,Fin,John and Don all looked like they lost their grabbed Olivia's hand and clutched it."We'll appeal,Casey and I will be your lawyers,we wont let them take you to jail".She 's tears soak Olivia's white dress shirt and Olivia's soaked his grey button up."I love you".He whispered."I know,I've always known".Olivia kissed her,full on the mouth,with pent up passion of almost fourteen kissed him right back,and she didnt want to let go.

The baillif grabbed her by the arm and began to pull her away."Be strong,you'll be home in no time".Alex said sadly."When is my sentancing date,I didnt hear Judge Donnelly"?Olivia asked."Day after tomarrow at nine am".Casey said,tears falling down her face."See you guys in two days".Olivia said,allowing the baillif to lead her away."I love you all".She called as the door fell to his knees and gripped the wooden divider in front of him."Elliot,come on,son,I'll take you home".Don said quietly."I-I-I cant".Elliot hiccoughed.

Fin lifted him gently and jumped in shock when his fellow detective's head landed on his shoulder and his sobs got louder."What do we do"?He asked."There isnt anything we can do!She got a guilty verdict!Her life and my life are over"!Elliot pushed through his friends and stormed out the courtroom and then the courthouse."Where will he go"?Casey asked."Liv's"Don said."Why"?Casey asked."He has to be with her sometime and this is his only way to be connected right now".Don all looked at each other sadly and followed went to a diner where they all ate at alot but they couldnt get the food down.

Rikers was cold and Olivia didnt like 'd gone from the warm lobby of her building into Trevor's car that morning and then from the car into the garage under the courtroom so she hadnt grabbed her coat as she went out and now she wished she walk from the bus to the entrance was a long one and was one of ten other women being taken to the prison that looked around at the high grey walls and smelled the river that was near 's idea was it to build a prison by such an open place as a sea?She screamed pyscological torture to make the prisoners stare at the freedom on the sea everyday.

They were lead into the changing rooms,given containers to put they're clothes in and told to had never been self concious but suddenly in a roomful of girls changing clothes made her think back to eight grade gym class and how much she hated changing for fear of showing off the bruises or how large her breats were even then compared to the other focused on the fact that she would be dressed soon and stripped with all the dignatey she could she lost it all when she saw three girls who admitably scared her checking her took a deep breath and followed the line to the showers.

They had thirty seconds to get that done and then they were given hastened to get dresses and then followed the line again to get the orange her olive tan skin orange didnt look good on got lines for they're beds,pillows and body and health packets;a tooth brush,mini bottles of toothpaste,combs and were searched,felt up by horney gaurds and then lead to was in cell block girls were lounging on bunks and doing various activities like reading or artwork,which Olivia thought was odd,because who wants to do artwork in jail."Benson,22084FC,remember your number."The escorting gaurd quickly commited to memory and went into her cell.

She recognised her celly right away."Shauna".She said.",Im sorry,Detective Benson,what they got you in here for"?Shauna had met Shauna when she was undercover at that hellhole Sealview,they had kind of been friends."Murdering a guy".Olivia didnt go on to explain she hadnt done it,it was too exhusting."Damn,is this where your staying or are you waiting for sentancing"?Shauna asked."Just stopping sentancing is in two days".Olivia said."Mine too".Shauna said."Where are you hoping for"?Olivia asked."Taconic or Bayview.I dont wanna go back to Sealview".Shauna said.

"What happened after I left and took that fucktard,Harris with me"?Olivia asked."The warden got some new gaurds in and they were real nice to us,but that freak of nature,Parker is still raped Amber".Shauna said."No".Olivia groaned." got released though,the warden got her probabtion for the rest of her sentance for it".Shauna sat down on her bunk and shook her head."Wish I could've gotten him too".She said."So,you killed a guy".Shauna said."Thats what they say".Olivia said."At least you got a great celly for the time being".Shauna said."Yeah,I know you wont kill me while Im asleep".Olivia said.

Shauna laughed hard."So,what are you back in for"?Olivia asked."My boy friend planted three kilos in my car and called the police on me.I had only been out for a year".Shauna said."Asshole".Olivia got up and made her bunk up and layed down."You okay"?Shauna asked."Yeah,I just dont feel well right now."Olivia said."Dont get sick on me or get me sick".Shauna said."I wont".Olivia closed her eyes and dozed woke to a PA system announcing it was chow nudged her up from her bunk."I heard its spaghetti surprise tonight".She said."Whats the surprise"?Olivia asked."I don think we need to know".Shauna were lead in two lines down to the mess hall and un cuffed once looked disdainfully at the slop of runny spaghetti and sauce on her tray and moved food,even it looked better than school food and hospital food.

Someone threw a brick of garlic bread on her tray and she grabbed a soda,the only drink in the selection that Olivia couldnt see the expiration date on the milk so she wasnt drinking it and the only thing was orange juice and thinking of the precarious state of her stomach at the moment,Olivia didnt want to risk throwing up and Shauna stuck with each other and joined a table of happy,chatty Mexican girls,Rosie,Carys and seemed nice enough;Rosie was a permenant resident of Rikers,she stabbed her sixteen year old nephew sixteen times as a birthday present when she was on robbed the Time Square Bank of America and she was in for another three months of a three year sentance and Sonya was in for kidnapping her six year old after the court gave custody of him to her ex.

Olivia's murder charge trumped them she would be alright.

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	17. Chapter 17This Is A Call

Olivia's sentance date came quickly and Olivia was taken away from the hell that was had prayed for two days that somehow they had found some evidence that said she wasnt guilty and she could go home and forget it ever happened and get to she was pretty sure fucking miaracle like that only happened in a Hallmark made for TV she donned the grey suit and tall black heels Trevor brought to Riker's with him and went to stomach had beeter behave itself today because she was in no mood to deal with throwing the past two days she hadnt been able to keep anything down.

"Olivia Benson,I sentance you to twenty years in Taconic Women's Correctional Facility for First Degree you have anything you wish to say"?Judge Donnelly shook her head and held her hand for just a Donnelly banged the gavel and released Olivia to the care of the turned,said goodbye to her friends and walked with the bailiff out to the waiting squadcar that would take her back to Rikers and to the bus that would take her to her new home at Taconic life was utterly over.

She repeated the process that she had gone through at Rikers and the Tombs and then donned the dusy color blue was now Prisoner 443212-Benson,her cellblock was F and her celly was a twitchy little thing names Sharon who looked dartingly at Olivia when the gaurd let her in her cage,Olivia sat down on the bottom bunk and stared out the little window that looked into the courtyard."What are you in for"?Sharon asked in a high pitched,girly croak."Murder One".Olivia said."Try anything and I will shank you bitch"!Sharon yelled."Dont worry,Im not trying a damn thing".Olivia layed down and stared at the bed above her and wished for a miracle one last time.

She hadnt gotten there just before lunch and was happy to be was surprisingly good meatload that even Olivia could identify."Hey,ask to work in the library,you get to stay inside for half the day and you can read and one of the best positions".Sharon whispered."When do we get assigned jobs"?Olivia asked."New kids get jobs on their third take you all to a little room and ask you what you prefer or they give you one,normally you get your preference".Sharon pulled Olivia by the sleeve of her jumpsuit to a table with six other girls."This is Olivia,my new this is Karen,Kitty,Sue,Jessi,Wynona and my baby girl,Helena".Sharon said."Hey".Olivia said.

Her new "friends" were a smattering of robberies,drug charges,assults and GTA,Sharon was in for stabbing her mailman,he didnt die but he was pretty damn scared of her lunch they had free time to do whatever so Olivia opted for a figured alone maybe she could get a little extra sleep in.A gaurd escorted her back and locked her in her cell for a few returned after awhile and woke her noisily climbing in her own sighed and layed there listening to the sounds,trying to get used to them so she wouldnt wake up screaming in the middle of the she fell asleep again and slept through dinner until the next morning."Damn,celly,you gettin off somethin or are you part bear"?Sharon asked as they got ready for breakfast."No,just really tired".Olivia said.

"Uh-oh,I smell trouble".Sharon said,her big grey eyes getting huge as she looked at something over Olivia's shoulder."What"?Olivia asked."Bethany".Sharon whispered."As in Franckel"?Olivia joked."You makin funna my name,bitch"?A loud voice boomed behind Olivia."See ya,celly".Sharon said quickly,grabbing her tray and zooming off to another turned around and a woman who reminded Olivia of from Matilda stood behind her with her arms crossed."I was just making a funny,Im sorry".She said."You were makin funna my name".Bethany said."No,no,I wasnt,its a very nice name".Olivia said."And now your patrionizing me".Bethany grabbed Olivia by the collar of her jumpsuit and lifted her up off the ground to eyelevel,whic was a great deal taller than Olivia's impressive five-ten."Your gonna get it now".She groweled.

Even after chasing down and fighting a perp Olivia had never felt so sore in her back cracked painfully as she lay down in her bunk,her shoulders screamed and the rest of her body ached like a bitch at the beating she took from took ten minutes for the gaurds to react before they pulled Bethany off of Olivia and made everyone go back to their it was nighttime and Olivia didnt think she was gonna make hurt like a motherfucker and she was sick again to top it all life get any worse?She really didnt think so and it had only been two days.

Someone was touching her,something cool and nice was on her head and for a minute Olivia wondered if it had been a bad dream and her mom was putting a cold cloth on her forehead like she did if she wasnt passed out drunk and actually cared that her daughter was hurting or sick."That feels nice,mother".She said softly."Its not your mother".Someone slowly opened her eyes and looked was in a room that resembled a hospital room but with two uniformed this Heaven's examingroom,was she being examined before she was allowed to enter?"Where am I"?She asked."The Prison celly said you were tossing and turning and moaning and groaning and when she went to wake you up you were hot as haties".The nurse said."Oh".Olivia said.

"Your sick,-On-five temp,your glands are swollen,and that beating you took didnt help you celly said you've been throwing up,how often have you been doing that"?The nurse asked."Uh,awhile, about a month and a week now".Olivia said."Are you sick with something else"?The nurse asked."Not that I can think of".Olivia said."Well,Im gonna do a blood test to see if there is anything wrong.I already took a sample and sent it to the lab but your not going anywhere until that temp is down,so lay back and relax".The nurse dimmed the lights and left Olivia alone in the room with the gaurds.

Olivia reached for the wash cloth that was on the table and put it on her helped a little with the migrain and the overwhelming sleep took over and Olivia was in peace for a little while at slept so long that when she woke the gaurds had switched shifts and dinner was sat up and stretched,her body aching with every nurse came into check on her."Good,your awake".She said."How's my blood test"?Olivia asked."It was all did you know that you are five weeks along in pregnancy"?The nurse asked.

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	18. Chapter 18Elliot

Pregnant?Thought Olivia,laying on her side and tucking her hands under her the hell can I be pregnant?She looked at her belly and slowly realisation hit her and she broke into was Kurt's was having a rape really wasnt sure she could handle even so,she'd be in prison for the rest of her life so she'd never get to see the it was a miracle despite its conception and Olivia wanted the best for were making her stay in the infirmiry for the night since she was still running a high fever so she had some alone time to make some plans."Well,Mother,you were right,I did end up just like you".Olivia muttered before she fell off to ,Serena Benson had won this one but Olivia would win the next one by being the best mother she could be.

At Taconic they had a maternity floor where mother who were keeping their babies in jail with them stayed and thats also where they put expectant mothers wasnt much different,but the cells were single and they were slightly more comfortable than the regular ones,and more private,they had walls and a door with a window instead of mothers pretty much just sat around and did little since they werent really allowed to do anything in their conditions and that was something Olivia was glad Whupping Bethany had really left her aching and hurting and Olivia was looking foreward to the didnt have to eat together fell back to sleep after waking up in a cold sweat with a smile on her couldnt wait to tell her friends when they came to see her in two weeks.

Her new room had two windows and was alot nicer than her cell,and it had an actual couldnt say she was too happy to be having her rapist's child but it did have its new setting was a hell of a Olivia was having trouble connecting with the thing growing inside of was just glad of the fact that she wouldnt have much contact with it after it was was on her mind as she was walked from the infirmiry in C-block to Maternity in B-block."You'll have mandatory parenting classes,training classes and birthing classes".The gaurd said,unlocking a room was maybe the size of a large walk-in closet,maybe fifteen by twelve but it was plopped down on the squeaky bed and looked white walls were covered in breastfeeding posters,statistics and other mommy-to-be stuff that Olivia knew well from all the times she'd tried for kids before.

"Benson,meal time".Olivia sat up in a panic,she couldnt remember where she took her a minute to remember the 'd been in the middle of a really nice dream that the jury had given her a not guilty verdict and she was home right now with pizza and her felt her heart break and wished Elliot was there to hold her and let her know she would be wrapped her arms around her shins and took a deep breath,no sense in crying when there wasnt anything to fix pulled herself together and made her way to the tiny mess hall with the other seemed so much further along than she was,she thought as she watched a woman go waddling by with a huge belly sticking out in front of her and all around touched her own flat stomach,she felt how hard it was now.

She got her food and found a table of women who looked about the same time frame as let her sit down with them but Olivia felt bad five minutes in when one of the girls mentioned how her new baby was doing with it's adoptive family and the others started sharing didnt think she'd be making too many friends as that were all taken back right after they finished and they had free time until it was time for lights grabbed a chair in the common room area where the view was on the little TV and watched nudged her."Can you play poker"?The huge mom-to-be from earlier asked."Yeah".Olivia said."Come on in,we need a fourth".Huge mom said.

Olivia followed her to the table in the corner where three other women were sitting."This is Kate,Helen and Rose,Im Sheila".Her newest "friend" said."Olivia".Olivia sat down."How far along are you"?Rose asked."Five weeks".Olivia said."Your gonna get huge".Helen said."How can you tell"?Olivia started dealing."You have a really muscular body,your waist is super small and your not built for much weight,thats the first sign,the tiny ones always get big".Rose others all ranged from three and a half to nine months and ready to pop at any didnt really know the first thing about raising a baby or things to do with it but they made for good companions to talk to.

They played a few rounds and then it was time for lights went to her room and eagerly flopped down on her whole body was starting to ache again and she realised how tired she 'd never been so couldnt tell if it was being pregnant or if it was the recent ass-kicking she'd recieved as a welcoming it was she was out in five minutes and snuggled up under the cotton blanket that smelled like Tide and dryer sheets.

"What do you mean it'll be two weeks before we can see her"?Elliot exploded into the phone."Im sorry,sir,two weeks is the mandatory time that a new prisoner has to wait before she gets a visitor.I dont make the rules,I just enforce can visit in two weeks for as long as you want".The warden said."Thats Bullshit".Elliot spat,hanging up the phone and Kathleen glanced at him from his tiny kitchen where they were cleaning up from dinner and then went back to talking quietly to each padded over to Elliot in his Scooby pajamas with his hair still wet from his bath and leaned on Elliot's knee."Whats wong,daddy?Why you so mad"?He asked."Im not mad".Elliot said.

"Yes you said a curse word, not vewy nice".Eli said,shaking his head laughed and scooped his youngest up and held him tight."Daddy just misses Aunt Livi".He said."Where'd she go"?Eli asked."Someone made a mistake and she got in trouble so they put her in jail".Elliot gasped cutely and his jaw dropped."They put Aunt Wivia in jail?But she's a cop daddy,they cant put cops in jail,can they"?He asked."Yeah buddy,we can go to jail just as easily as regular people,we arent above the Aunt Liv didnt do what they saw she was put in jail for no reason and that makes daddy really mad".Elliot looked away from his youngest child briefly."Come on,son,its time for bed".He said."I wanna kiss Maureen"!Eli said."You can kiss Maureen when she's done with the dishes".Elliot said."I wanna kiss Kathleen"!Eli said eagerly."Im in the bathroom"!Kathleen called."I wanna kiss Dickie"!Eli exclaimed as his older brother came into the livingroom.

"He's all yours".Elliot said,handing his son off to his older son."Come on,Eli,lets go play the getting ready for bed game".Dickie walked off down the hall with a chattering Eli and Elliot went in the put the last glass on the dish towel she was using to cover the counter from the drying dishes and turned to him."How you doing,dad"?She asked,leaning on the counter."Im a wreck,I'll be honest with you".Elliot said."It'll be will happen,some evidence or something will surface and she'll get to come home".Maureen said."Its not that simple,Mo,its just not that simple".Elliot said with a tired sigh."Why"?Maureen asked."I cant say,but,its just not as easy as you say".Elliot said.

"Dad,did Liv really kill this guy"?Maureen asked."No,Maureen,I cant say anything more than that,but she is compleatly innocent".Elliot said."Do you know who killed him"?Maureen asked."No".Elliot said quickly."Dad,you know something and your not telling Casey or Alex or whoever deals with this stuff and your forcing Liv to sit in it is,dad,tell,so she can home".Maureen put her hands on her hips and stared him down."God,you look just like your used to be cute and funny to me but now its just scary".Elliot said."I gotta go,daddy,I have work in the care of yourself".Maureen said.

Elliot pulled her into his arms and gave her a tight hug."I love ya,kid".He said."I love you too,dad,but Im not a kid anymore".Maureen said."I know that,I know,but you'll always be my little girl,my little Mo-Muffin".Elliot said."Oh,Lord,dad,ya had to bring up that nickname".Maureen said."Sorry,I forgot that you were now ,with her own assistant and working a big job at proud of you by the way,getting a great job like that,makes me feel like we raised you right".Elliot said."You did,with all of us,now you have to concentrate on Junior,okay".Maureen smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Elliot slid in bed next to a sleeping Eli and turned off the and Lizzie had crashed a long time before in their room and now it was his was worn out.A day with a four year old at his age was tough but he loved curled protectively around his toddler's form and quickly fell needed to be had some things to do in the next few days that would require him to be on his might just ruin his life but they would save Olivia in the long run and that was worth her free was more than worth it.

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	19. Chapter 19Elliot's Secret

"It wasnt supposed to go down like that."Elliot closed her mouth and clicked her unused ballpoint pen shut."Elliot,why didnt you tell me this before"?She asked."I wasnt aware that I had done it before a few days ago.I remembered the day after the trial and I was trying to figure out the best way to tell you".Elliot took a sip of water and stared at her friend."And your sure you didnt just dream this up?This is what really happened and your now telling me so I can"...She trailed."Just make it right,Casey,please,just make this all right,I want things to be okay again".Elliot looked close to tears and Casey was sure he was close to it."I'll make a few calls,tell them we decided not to pursue Olivia as Moss's killer,that we had some evidence misxed up.I'll say we contaminated it somehow in the lab."She said."How long until she gets out"?Elliot asked."I dont know".Casey said.

"Casey,I want her record cleared.I dont want her to have this on her record".Elliot said."I can ask the D.A to authurise me dropping the charges in the interest of justice."Casey said."What about a rearrest"?Elliot asked."I can conviently forget that".Casey said slyly."Thank you,Casey".Elliot went to the door."You know,Elliot,your not the only one who loves Olivia like family and who would risk everything to help 's like an older sister to me."Casey felt a pang of guilt as he stepped out and went down the hall to the didnt feel bad about what he did,if it got Olivia home and in his arms again.

"Where were you"?John asked as Elliot entered the squadroom."Taking care of business".Elliot hung his coat up and sat down at his desk."What kind of business"?John asked."Just mind your own business".Elliot said."Okay,sorry,dont bite my head off for caring".John walked off out the door looking hurt."Im sorry".Elliot sat back and flattened his palms on the desk."Jesus,I cant seem to please anyone anymore".He came over and sat down next to him."Elliot,I know your hurting over Liv,we all are,but you have got to stop taking it out on all of know how much it hurts us all to know that she's sitting in a cell upstate instead of being here to calm you down".He said.

"I know and Im sorry.I just miss her and Im upset that she's in a cell and that she isnt ,why does this have to be so hard"?Elliot groaned,holding his face in his hands."Its hard losing someone you love,I know that much".Don put a hand on Elliot's shoulder and then went back to his watched the older man go and then turned back around and thought about how nice it would be to see her 'd been away from her for longer than a week before,but he always knew she'd come back at some Casey didnt get her out now then he'd never see her again except for every few days in the prison visting feeling that she might be gone from him forever was weighing down on him and making him feel much as he hated doing it to him,Don had put him on desk duty until he could handle himself younger man had been angry but he would get over it.

Eli hopped on both feet as Elliot manuevered the door open and then dashed ahead of his dad."Gotta potty"!He laughed and set the pizza on the had talked to Casey who said that it could be more than a month before Olivia was wasnt in too good of a mood but his youngest child made it couldnt not smile around got down two plates and set a slice on one for boy came out holding a picture frame."Daddy,is this you and Wivia"?He turned the frame with the shoulder length black hair she wore when she was fresh at the SVU and Elliot quite a few years younger with darker hair,his arm was drapped around Olivia's bare shoulder and they were both grinning at the was the Christmas party picture from 1998,Olivia had been there for a month,Elliot already knew she was special but he just didnt know what it was yet."Yeah,buddy,that was a long time ago".He said."How long"?Eli asked.

"Hmm,more than thirteen".Elliot said."Wow,your really old,daddy".Eli laughed."Yeah,I ,eat your dinner".He said,handing Eli his plate of sliced up carried it to the livingroom and turned on Wow Wow joined him and sat above him on the was laughing at the animated animal thinsg on the Tv,grape juice running down his face,pizza sauce already in the corners of his mouth but he was having to be that young,before all this shit started,Elliot stroked his son's dark curls and wished him a better life than he had himself."Daddy,whats a BJ"?Eli asked choked on his pizza and sucked down some of his beer.

"Where did you hear that at"?He asked,panting slightly."Mommy told Steve she was gonna give him one".Eli said."Who's Steve?"Elliot asked."I dunno,the guy who was eating my Capn Crunch outta the box a few days ago in his boxers in the kitchen really early in the morning".Eli said."Have you met Steve though,has mommy introduced you"?Elliot asked."Yeah,kinda,but I didnt like him".Eli said."Why not,son"?Elliot asked."He wasnt nice to me".Eli said."How wasnt he nice to you"?Elliot asked."He came in the livingwoom while I was watchin Bob the Builder and he told me to get out,that he wanted to watch the changed the channel without even askin,an mommy just let him".Eli said.

"Its okay buddy,maybe this guy just hasnt ever had to deal with little kids".Elliot said."Daddy,he grabbed mommy's boobie at the table while we were eating and you always told us that that was bad".Eli said."Eli,finish eating,I need to make a phone call".Elliot grabbed his cell and took it to the bedroom and dialed his soon to be ex-wife's number."Hello"?A lazy sounding man answered."Who is this"?Elliot asked."Yo,chill,this is Steve,who is this"?Steve asked."Put my wife on".Elliot said."Who's your wife,dude"?Steve asked."Kathy,you fucktard".Elliot had a few things to say to this little dusche bag but for now he wanted to talk to his soon to be ex about what she was doing in front of their three and a half year old."Hello"?Kathy asked after a moment.

"Kathy,what the hell are you doing,trying to kill me"?Elliot asked."What"?Kathy asked impatiently."Eli just asked me what a fucking BJ was and he said he heard you say you were going to give one to he said Steve was touching you in front of doesnt like it,Kathy and niether do you know how much stress Im under right now?I dont need this,its not good for me".Elliot said."Elliot,he's my boy friend,he's gonna do stuff like I didnt say I was going to gibe him a BJ in front of Eli,I was in the kitchen and Eli was in the livingroom and heard".Kathy said."Jesus Christ,you got on me for cussing in front of him but your allowed to say whatever the hell you want".Elliot grumbled.

"You call me when you calm down".Kathy said."Im sorry,Im sorry,I've been pissing everyone off just really hard without Liv here and I miss her and there's just alot of shit going on now.I didnt mean to interrogate you.I just wanted to know why my son is asking all sorts of questions that I really dont know how to answer".Elliot sighed and sank down onto the bed."Its okay,I understand.I'll talk to him when he gets home".Kathy said."Thank you".Elliot hung up and layed back on the was so over wrought with so many different emotions that he didnt even know what to do with himself.

Review!Do it!Do it NOW!


	20. Chapter 20Funny What You Remember

The next three weeks of Olivia's life went by terribly 'd been in Taconic for a month now and she was hating every minute of the baby growing in her belly making her sick all the time didnt help much either couldnt sleep at night because her back or she couldnt eat because she was sick as a dog with morning was a lose-lose situation and Olivia wondered why she'd ever even wanted to be in the situation in the first new friends had all dispensed,one went into labor,had her son and then was moved back to cell block-D and the others moved on to other things as they progressed.

On the mark of her thirty-fifth day,a month and a half in,Olivia found herself wondering what Elliot was he at work?Maybe with his children?She hoped he was with his kids,he didnt see them enough and she felt partially resposible,he had always been with 'd had no visitors and that made her upset,they didnt even answer her calls when she found time to use a was utterly and hopelessly alone in this hell of a then the nightmares returned and scared the hell out of wished for her best friend to magically appear and hold her and tell her everything would be okay,but he wasnt going too.

"Benson,you gotta visitor".The gaurd said finally,on day and a half months with no visitors at eagerly followed the gaurd down to block-F where the visitor center almost pounced on Fin and John when she saw held onto them for the longest time and started to cry."How've ya been,Livia"?Fin asked."I miss you guys so much.I hate it here".Olivia said."We're working on getting you lit into Langan after the trial,ripped him a damn new one".Fin said."He did his best,she shouldnt have done that".Olivia sat down and folded her hands over her belly."So,whats been going on in the squadroom,any news?New cases"?She asked."Naw,we aint been too busy".Fin said.

"How's Don"?Olivia asked."He misses all partner 's been a damn grisly bear for the last month and a 've you been"?Fin asked."I've been better".Olivia looked down at the swell of her four and a half month belly under her blue jump suit and grimaced."What"?John asked."Nothing,its just,uh,I have some news".Olivia said."Whats up"?John asked."Im pregnant".Olivia said friends faces went from eager to hear her to sadness for her."What are you gonna do"?John asked."Have the baby,I guess,they dont allow abortions in here unless its life threatening and I dont believe in that anyway,after that I dont know".Olivia said."They shouldnt have locked you up in the first if you did do it your a victim and you couldnt be held accountable".Fin said.

Olivia's face fell."Fin,I really didnt do it".She said in a soft whimper."I know that,Im just saying if you did that it was compleatly justifiable".Fin said."You tell that to Kurt's mom and dad,they're pushing for an appeal to have the death penalty added".Olivia said,a tear running down her face."They wont do that".Fin said."They could."Olivia wiped the tear away with the back of her hand."What have you been doing in here"?John asked,changing the subject."Not much of anything dont make us do much.I have mandatory parenting and baby classes that I take everyday but other than that I basically just all I feel like doing".Olivia said."Liv,is the baby...Kurt's"?John asked."Yes.I guess the pills didnt work".Olivia said."Im so sorry".John said."Yeah,what a way to get my wish".Olivia said.

"You'll get out and be the best mom in the world".John said."Your so optimistic,Im gonna kill over right here".Olivia joked dryly."Why hasnt Elliot been to see me"?She asked a moment later."He hasnt"?John asked."No".Olivia said."Guess he doesnt want to see you in here".Fin said."Yeah,I wouldnt wanna see me in here either".Olivia said,looking around."You'll be out soon,something'll come up and you'll be when you do,Im gonna have the first dance".John smiled."God love you,John,you do have a soft and gooey center,I can see why Alex loves you so much".She said."What are you talking about"?Fin asked.

"You didnt know that Alex Cabot has a real big thing for our buddy here"?Olivia asked."No,I didnt".Fin said,looking at his partner with a new light."Both of you,bite my gun".John said softly."I wont even tell you what I caught them doing in the crib a few months ago".Olivia said."Tell me".Fin said."Okay,thats enough,Fin,she's obviously going crazy."John said,turning red as a giggled and sighed."I miss the energy of the squadroom.I miss the hustle and bustle of the city under my bedroom window at night.I miss Elliot dropping my coffee and bagle in front of me the little things I took for granted when I wasnt in here".Olivia scoffed."Funny what you remember after its gone".She said.

Please,for the sake of a loney,sixteen year old,Review this,Please...:D


	21. Chapter 21Going Home

Elliot swung by Casey's on his way home from Eli's teeball game."Case,you here"?He called."In here"!Casey entered the office and found Casey twisted into come weird position on a blue mat,eyes closed and arms leaning away from her body,palms open.

"What are you doing"?He asked."Meditating".Casey said softly."Your a yoga nut"?Elliot asked."Lately?Yes".Casey slid out of her position and stood up."I was actually gonna call you in a little bit".She said."Why"?Elliot asked."You wanna go get Liv with me tomarrow around five"?Casey asked.

"Really?She's coming home"?Elliot asked eagerly."Yeah,took some doing and a little lie but she is coming home.I told the governer that we made a mistake and that we found DNA at the scene and while it is unidentifiable,it excludes Olivia so he issued an afidavit of also exsponged her record with an official appology".Casey said.

"Good,because we both know she didnt do it".Elliot said."No,she did,I do know that".Casey said."Yeah,I'll go with you tomarrow.I'll pick you up at two".Elliot said."See you tomarrow".Casey said.

Elliot hurried out to the SVU imediently noticed the change."Whats up"?John asked."Liv's coming home".Elliot said."When"?John asked."Tomarrow"!Elliot said gleefully.

Fin and John pumped fists and Elliot hugged Don."This is the best news I've had all day".He gathered his things and put them away."Can I go home and get ready?Im gonna let Liv stay in my guest bedroom since we had to clear her apartment out".He said."Yeah,go ahead".Don pulled his coat on and hurried worked out perfectly because Kathy had the twins for the entire two weeks of their spring break and Eli was going with them to Canada to see Kathy's parents,so Liv would have a few weeks of peace and quiet.

Elliot put the twin beds together in the center of the room,put fresh sheets and blankets on them and spruced up the cleared the closet,put up darker curtains over the windows because Liv liked it dark when she slept and then as an extra though he ran to the nearby florist and got a bouquet of pretty white roses and put them on the windowsill.

***Casey was sitting on the steps outside the courthouse at one-fifty when Elliot pulled up in his truck and she imediently jumped in."I thought you would be here early".She said."I came early to give you a little extra time".Elliot said."Then we are good to go".Casey said.

"Olivia,Warden's lookin for ya".Olivia's new friend Cassidy said,popping her head into Olivia's room."I hate to ask,but,um,could you maybe,pull me up from this bed"?Olivia asked,turning was five months along but she was huge."Sure".Cassidy waddled in,took Olivia's hands and pulled her up."And they say Im further along".Cassidy said.

Olivia went down to the warden's office with a gaurd."Come in".The warden entered."Have a seat".The warden said."Did I do something wrong"?Olivia asked."No,your being released".The warden said."Released"?Olivia asked."Yes,new evidence or something,pronounced you innocent".The warden said.

"So what am I doing here"?Olivia asked."You are waiting for your friends to pick you be ten or fifteen minutes".The warden said."Oh,thanks".Olivia swept her longer,darker hair over her shoulder and didnt have long to wait before she heard a knock at the office door.


	22. Chapter 22Where She Belongs

"Elliot"!Olivia exclaimed when the door threw her arms around him and held on tight."Hey Liv,God,I've missed you".Elliot squeesed her."El,careful".Olivia pulled away."Why,whats wrong"?Elliot asked.

"El,Im pregnant,its Kurt's".Olivia 's jaw clenched and anger flashed over his face."First that SOB public humiliates you,then he gets killed and makes sure your framed and then he gets you put in jail,now he's knocked you up,when will all the shit end so you can have a normal life".Elliot stormed.

"El,its okay,Im dealing with it".Olivia said."How"?Elliot asked."I dont know yet,but Im thinking of ways to deal with it".Olivia said."How far along are you"?Elliot asked."Five months".Olivia said."God damn it".Elliot said.

"Hey Liv".Casey said,joining them after finally catching up with Elliot."Hey,Case,man am I glad to see you".Olivia said,hugging her friend."Fin told me about the baby,are you okay with it all"?Casey asked.

"I guess I am".Olivia said."Your mom probably said the same thing".Casey pointed out."Im stronger than Serena".Olivia held out a duffle."Normal people clothes".She said."Hallelujlah".Olivia took it and went to the warden's bathroom to change.

"I loooooove jeans and tee shirts are the bomb".She said when she came out."You certainly look better".Casey smiled."The mayor is waiting in the squadroom to give you an official appology,along with the you definately deserve it".Elliot said.

"Yes,I do,I didnt deserve to be locked up for something I didnt even do".Olivia said angrilly.

"Come on,lets go,Liv,lets get you home".Elliot slid his arm around her waist and lead her out of the prison to his truck."I'll sit in the back".Casey said."Thanks,Casey".Olivia said.

"Liv,wake up".Elliot said groaned."Do I have too"?She asked.

"We're at the precinct".Elliot unbuckled her a moment he rested his hand on her swollen belly."So,five months along,have they been taking care of you"?He asked.

"Yeah,I take two prenatal vitamins a day,I do parenting classes,they make sure your a good parent in prison".Olivia slid out the car and leaned on Elliot.

"You just have to stay a minute and then you can go home".Casey said."Where is home?I dont have a home was taken away from me when my freedom was".Olivia strode inside the precinct with Elliot and Casey running after her.

"I thought pregnant women were supposed to be slower".Casey said."You should know by now,Casey,that Olivia is the definate exception to every rule in the book".Elliot said."And not in the book".He added as an got in the elevator with her.

Fin was the first one to embrace her when they came into the squadroom."Hey,baby girl,and baby girl's baby,its great to have you back".He said."Hey,Fin".Olivia squeesed him tight and then went to John."Its great to see you".John said."You two,John".Olivia said.

The mayor stepped up and shook her hand."On behalf of the entire city of Manhattan please accept our sincerest appology for falsely imprisoning you".He said."Thank you,sir".Olivia next up with the Police Commissioner,then the govener and lastly the Chief of Detectives who all offered her they're "sincerest appologies".

"I've got your room all set up,I want you to stay as long as you want".Elliot said."El,thats sweet but I cant.I just got out of four months of sharing a great big place with a thousand other women with no privacy.I need to find my own going apartment hunting tomarrow".Olivia said."Well,you can stay until your all set up".Elliot said.

"Thanks,El".Olivia trudged down the hall to the guest bedroom,shut the door and flopped down on the bed."I just wanna sleep".She the bbay had other plans as it started to kick her, wasnt the first time and Olivia wasnt too excited by it.

She just couldnt connect to this if it had happened some other time than the with that cute guy named Drew she met in the bar the day before she was was cute and she was pretty sure he was cool on booze washed memory of the night was hard to see.

Elliot made dinner but Olivia never came out to he checked on her she was asleep in a tank top and a pair of sweat pants that Elliot had brought over to his place when he moved all her clothes and things to his was curled around Bobby her stuffed Elephant and she looked so slid her shirt up and stared at her belly.

He ran his hand over the bump and the baby thudded at him."Hey,thats pretty cool".He said was always thrilled by the aspect of new life forming and the fact that it was forming from Olivia made it all the more couldnt wait to help her do everything,that is,if she left was worried that Olivia would never be the same.


	23. Chapter 23Trouble Sleeping

Elliot heard her screaming all the way down the hall in his hadnt been couldnt sleep had been home a week and so far she was still a grouch,and still having understood,he really did,but why did she have to take it out on him for?He was just trying to help got up and padded down the hall in his barefeet and was thrashing around in bed which Elliot knew was probably making the baby extreamly amniotic sack sick.

"Liv,wake up".He stopped moving."Liv,wakey,wakey".He said.

"Five more minutes,El".Olivia muttered."You were having a nightmare".Elliot said.

"I know that".Olivia slid under the covers with her and cradled her in his arms.

"Its okay to let your gaurd down sometimes,its just me".He layed her head on his shoulder.

"You've had to be in here with me everynight this week so I can going to get an apartment as soon as I can,okay?I promise.I wanna stop being a bother to you".She said.

"If I've made it seem like I want you to move out then Im sorry.I dont want you out,I want you to stay here".Elliot kissed her forehead gently and stroked some sweaty hair off her face.

"I do need to find myself a new apartment though and soon,this little one is gonna be coming in a few months and the last thing you need is a baby screaming in the middle of the night,waking you up and a bitchy,hormonal woman running around".Olivia said.

"Where's Kathy"?Elliot asked snickered.

"Thats horrible,El,thats your children's mother".She said.

"So?The woman cheated on me and then made it seem like our marriage deteriorating was all my fault."Elliot said.

"Maybe it was".Olivia said."Thanks for the vote of confidance,Im so glad you've been so helpful".Elliot joked.

"Sorry,I know Im being cynical right now".Olivia sighed and blew some hair out of her face.

"Its okay,your going though alot right now."Elliot reached behind him and fluffed up his pillow.

"I think I'll be okay tonight,El,you go ahead back to your room and get some sleep".Olivia said."Are you sure"?Elliot asked." ahead".Olivia said.

"Alright.I'll be down the if you need me".Elliot kissed her forehead and slid out of bed."Night,El".Olivia said.

Elliot went back to his room and got back in sleep was just about as troubled as Olivia's was.

Review.I know this one sucked but Im having horrible writer's dont worry in the next few chapters we'll have some baby stuff,ya know,dealing with some feelings,a little time skipping and Olivia's choice on something important.


	24. Chapter 24Blink And You'll Miss It

The first day Olivia went back to work since being arrested,she'd been out of jail for a put her on desk duty but let her interview suspects,witnesses and victims and go to the crime was nerve heart raced nervously everytime someone looked at her while she was knew what they were thinking,"Who let Benson come back?"She held her head high and didn her job,but she knew that spark just wasnt there only made it a full week before she reached her decsion.

"Are you sure bout this,Olivia"?Don asked solemly.

"Yes,Im sure".Olivia said."Just knwo you can always come back here".Don nodded and slowly unclipped her gun from her hip and her sheild from her other and layed them on her boss's desk for the last time.

"Im just not the same Olivia Benson anymore,I guess".She said."I'll mark you as retired but I'll make sure you can keep your gun and badge,for personal reasons."Don said.

"Thanks".Olivia ran her hands over her stomach and stared at the office she stood in.

"It feels weird,leaving like this.I feel like Im just going to a new department for awhile and that I'll come back Im not and thats a little my entire adulthood this has been the place I've wanted to be and now Im saying goodbye to it.I dont even quite know how Im feeling right now."Olivia said.

"You know you can come always welcome back."Don said.

"I know".Olivia said.

"And its not like your losing everyone 'll still see Elliot since you've been living with him for a month and a half now,and Fin and John could never let you go,and then I feel like your father so I could never let you 'll still have us then you'll have a beautiful new whole life is coming together,finally".Don said.

Olivia knuckled a stray tear away and stared at the ceiling."I really dont wanna cry".She whispered.

"Have you told Elliot yet"?Don slid the box of Kleenex across the desk to her.

"No,Im going to tell him tonight when he comes home.I know he wont be happy because he was so excited when I came back,but Im sure he'll understand".Olivia said.

"Im sure he will too,Liv".Don got up and came around and hugged clung to him tightly."Im so sorry that Im doing this".She whispered.

"You dont have to your have spent your entire life making sure everyone and everything was okay and perfect before even considering doing anything for yourself.I know why you joined this unit and it makes you a saint in my saved everyone and you did a great job doing know there's going to have to be a party right?We arent letting you leave without having everyone who loves you make you turn red when they talk about how great you are."Don said.

"Thats fine,as long as its at O'Malleys".Olivia beamed at him.

"The guys'll probably plan it".Don said."Let me know so I dont miss it".Olivia said.

As she walked out of the One-Six for the last time as a Detective until her retirement was penciled in she couldnt help but think of how life really had a way of not going acording to plan most of the horrible conception,her tumultuous childhood,her boring adult life,all the good things had come in small doses,Blink and You'll Miss em type of hs ehad a baby on the way,the thing she always wanted more than anything,she had Elliot,who cared about her and loved her despite her faults and she had a whole family who wanted her to be happy and always looked out for her.

Growing up,more than anything Olivia wanted a family that loved her and that need grew as she got older and Serena drank more and more and became less of a mother,and with every man she was ever she'd learned something in thirteen years at the Special Victims Unit and that was that you dont have to share DNA to have a family,its what is in the heart that counts and those who always have your six no matter what the she had she always she would blink and miss this one.

Not the final chapter,so dont worry,a few more but the end is near and I think you'll like it a whole whole lot.


	25. Chapter 25Happy Endings Are For Real

"Surprise"!

Olivia jumped and grinned as all four of her main men,Elliot,Fin,John and Cragen,her favorite ladies,Casey,Alex,Melinda,and about three hundred brothers and sisters in blue welcomed her to her retirement party.A tear fell down her face and she quickly wiped it away.

"Bad-Ass Benson better not be going pussy on us"!One of her friends out of the Two-Seven yelled.

"You guys!You all rock"!Olivia came over to her and slid his arm around her shoulder,offering her a glass of punch.

"Whole party's tetotal for you".He said,kissing her cheek.

"So your not still mad at me anymore"?Olivia asked,accepting the took a sip and stared at her best friend.

"No,I guess I wasnt really mad at you as much as I was just gonna miss you and got upset".Elliot said.

He leaned in and gave her a tiny kiss on the lips."I could never get mad at you".He said softly.

"Oh,so all those times while we were partners I was 'Goddamn it Olivia' you were just having bad days"?Olivia asked giving him a look.

"Things are gonna change now baby,we're gonna be so happy ,hey,we're always gonna be life".Elliot smiled and Olivia returned it.

"God I love you".She the two weeks since she left the force Elliot _finally _told her how he felt even though they both knew they loved each other and they quickly fell compleatly in love as should be according to Munch.

"Come on,come get some food in your system and we can talk about the doctor's appointment".Elliot lead her over to the bar that had turned into a buffet and handed her a plate.

"El,are there any friend pickles?I've been craving them all day".Olivia said.

"Right down here,along with the Rockey Road and the melted nacho cheese".Elliot said.

"Awww,you got my favorite cravings".Olivia put one of the large fried dills on her plate,chooped it up,poured a shitload of melted nacho cheese on it,spooned some chopped green peppers over it and ended the mystery concoction with a hearty scoop of the ice cream.

Elliot went a little green around the gills looking at it but didnt coment on her choice.

"I have antiacid tablets in my suit pocket for later when that catches up with you."Elliot said.

"Loving you more and more every minute,El".Olivia said,digging in and getting cheese and peppers all over her face in the process.

Elliot laughed and gently wiped it all off her face for her with a napkin.

"Maybe it would be funner for you to eat it off me".Olivia said slyly.

"Woman,you are insatible".Elliot squeesed her thigh and grinned at grinned back,a piece of pickle stuck to her front gently reached in with the napkin and pulled it off.

Olivia blushed and giggled."So,how did this appointment go?The sixth month is a pivotal one".Elliot said.

"I went great.I even found out the so excited."Olivia said.

"What are we having"?Elliot maybe not be his baby but he really did love it and wanted to be daddy even if his DNA wasnt in it.

"I wanna keep it a secret until the birth,so dont tell a soul,or by God,I will murder you,Stabler,and according to a jury of my peers,Im capable of it".Olivia said.

Elliot leaned in and Olivia cupped her hands around his ear and whispered the sex in his ear.

Elliot grinned,it was exactly what he was hoping and praying for.

Olivia leaned back and grinned."This is the best news in the world".Elliot said.

"Im pretty happy about it myself,baby Benson wont be nameless for much longer,we have to start talking about that soon".Olivia said.

"I have one that I'll run by you later".Elliot smiled and rubbed his hand over Olivia's rather large tummy and the baby thudded back at him.

He leaned down and kissed her belly,cooing to the baby while Olivia laughed at him.

"El,according to the doctor,your talking to its butt".She said."Whoops".Elliot said.

"I just cant wait until I can hold the baby and love it and be a really greay dad".He said.

"You already are all that to your other kids".Olivia said.

"Thanks,Liv".Elliot leaned in and kissed her tenderly,Olivia leaning in to meet him.

Suddenly they were being pulled apart,Casey and Alex inserting themselves between them and the guys joining them from snapped a photo that came out perfectly of them all laughing.

As sceptical of happy endings as Olivia was her whole life,having never really had one growing up,she was pretty sure this was as close to one as she'd ever she loved it.


	26. Chapter 26Trouble

Kimberly Serena Benson came into the world at eight oh seven pm on Tuesday April Twelvth,2011 in Columbia Prespityrian was five pounds,five ounces and nineteen inces had black curls,dark brown eyes and she looked like her mother down to a tee.

Olivia turned the volume down on the TV and looked at the clock on the cable box for the fifteenth time in two was that pesky pain groaned and turned over to a more comfortable phone vibrated with a text from Elliot but she didnt Olivia hoisted her fifty-four pound over weight,nine month pregnant body up from the fetal position she was currently laying in on the sofa and went to her bedroom to her typed in signs of labor and she was spoting them all.

"Holy crap,I've been in labor for three hours and I havent noticed".Olivia said to herself.

She grabbed her bag and then went across the hall to the pink and lavender nursery and got the baby's grabbed her phone off the couch and called Elliot's desk line because she knew regardless of his ability to text the probability of him answering his cell while on a big case such as the one he was on now was close to none.

"Stabler,SVU".He said.

"Hey".Olivia said.

"Hey baby".

"So,its bout that time".

"Really"?

"Yeah,pretty sure".

There was silence on the other end of the studied a cutical on her right hand and popped her lips a couple of times.

"Oh shit,how long have you been in labor"?

"Maybe three hours".

"Why didnt you call me sooner"!

"Having never given birth or having never been pregnant before,El,I had no idea what labor pain feels like.I gotta tell ya,feels pretty shitty".

"Im going to meet you at Columbia Pres".

"Okay,hurry,my water just broke and its blood".

"God damn it,call an ambulance,Liv".

"Okay".Olivia said softly,staring at the bloody puddle beneath her feet.

"Are you okay"?Elliot asked.

"I think Im in shock".Olivia replied in a slightly fuzzy gripped the counter and her mouth gaped open.

"Im on my way to your apartment now,dont hang up,stay on the line with me,baby".Elliot said.

"Okay".Olivia sat down in a kitchen chair and rubbed her felt a surge and then another gush of blood flowed from between her legs onto the floor.

"Oh God".She groaned.

"What"?Elliot could hear the sound of his running footsteps,he took the stairs.

"Another gush of blood".Olivia sobbed,starting to cry.

"Calm down,baby,it'll be okay".Elliot heard his fiancee start to cry over the phone.

"Hurry,El"!Olivia sobbed.

"Im getting in a car right now,Fin and John and Cap are behind me".Elliot said.

Olivia heard the inconvient beeping that was her phone telling her it was going to die now.

"El,my phone is dying".She said.

"I'll be there in ten minutes".Elliot said.

"I love you".Olivia squeaked.

"I love you too baby".Elliot said.


	27. Chapter 27Welcome to the World Baby Girl

"The placenta has detacted,we need to get the baby out now". said to the nurses attending him.

Olivia lolled her head over to see him.

"Is the baby gonna die"?She asked.

"Not if I have anything to say about it". said.

Olivia gripped her hand.

"We're gonna do an emergency Ceasarian". said."Prep OR 5,stat"!One of his nurses called.

The nurse started an IV in Olivia's right hand and they wheeled her towards the elevator.

"El"!She called.

"Im right behind you".Elliot said.

"Stay with leave me".Olivia said.

"Im not leaving".Elliot kept a grip on her hand the whole ride up and then he was taken aside to get changed into a set of rubber duckey yellow scrubs.

Olivia was almost asleep when he came in,the IV kicking in.

"Im scared".She whispered when he kneeled down beside her.

"I know you are".Elliot said.

"Why does it seem like everytime something good happens to me God thinks I dont deserve it so he takes it away from me"?Olivia asked.

"Fate is a horrible thing".Elliot said,trying to give her and answer and protect his faith at the same time.

"Im going to loose this baby".Olivia said.

"No,I dont think you doctors will take of you and the baby".Elliot said.

"No,our baby is going to die and your going to leave me and go back to milquetoast Kathy".Olivia said,breaking into couldnt help but laugh just a drugs were taking effect and he thought it was a little cute.

The doctor came in and told them it was followed them into the OR and knelt down to distract her from the activity behind the blue screen.

"No pictures".Olivia warned softly.

Elliot stroked her hair softly as the doctor told her he was about to flinched and Elliot felt her breathing speed up.

"Its okay".He said.

Olivia's eyes were wider than usual with fear that was practically radiating off of her.

"Your going to feel some tugging and maybe a little discomfort as I open up your uterus to get the baby out".The doc said after awhile.

"It wont be so bad,Liv,I was in here when Kathy had the c-section with the said she didnt feel much of anything".Elliot said.

"El,you could start tap dancing right now and it wouldnt distract me from the surgery".Olivia brown eyes were bright and alert and when the doctor told her he was about to cut into her she closed her eyes and Elliot was pretty sure she fainted.

He wanted to hold her but he probably wouldnt let him anyway.

And then the most beautiful sound in the world filled the room after a brief pause as the doctos frantically tried to get the tiny thing to breath and turn a reassuring shade of pink from the unconcerting grey it was.

Olivia opened her eyes and looked around."Where is she"?She asked.

The nurse brought the screaming,bunched up little girl over and held her down so Olivia could see her.

"She's beautiful".Olivia squeaked,tears forming in her eyes.

"What are you going to name her"?The nurse asked.

Olivia thought for a moment through all the names she'd been thinking of over the passt few weeks and finally landed on one she liked.

"Kimberly Serena".She pulled out his cell phone and took a picture of the baby and sent it to everyone where they waiting in the waitingroom.

Alex's phone pinged first."Hey,Elliot sent me a picture".She said.

"I swear to God,if its Olivia belly all cut open Im gonna kill him".Casey said.

Alex opened the picture."Its the baby"!She squealed.

Everyone crowded around to see shoved John out of the way and got a boney rib in his back as payback.

Then everyone else's phone was pinging."I have to get Alex's phone carrier,its so sent us all the same picture".Casey said.

The baby had dark hair that would be black like Olivia's when it was dry and not matted with blood,her skin was the same olive tan as Olivia's and she was the spitting image of her mother.

Elliot accepted the little sleeping bundle from the nurse and walked over to where Olivia was lounging in the big hospital bed.

"Let me see but me's gotten to hold her."She said.

Elliot placed her in Olivia's outstretched arms and watched her do the inevitable had had his own fears that she would reject the baby for being the product of a rape like her own mother had done to Olivia when she was born but then Elliot reminded himself that she wasnt Serena,she was capable of loving a baby that came from her,regardless of the conception.

He hadnt expected her to name the baby after Serena though,that had been shocking.

The door to their room opened and Alex stuck her head in."Can we come in"?She asked.

"Yeah,come in and see the world's prettiest baby".Olivia said.

Everyone crowded in and swarmed like fruit flies around a bowl of peaches.

Alex stroked a finger down the baby's itty bitty face.

"She's so that okay for her and everything"?Casey asked.

"Yeah.I guess all that weight I gained while I was carrying her didnt do a thing for her."Olivia would be glad to shed those extra pounds,she still had a few even though the biggest thing making her fat was now in her arms.

"Can I hold her"?Casey nodded and slid the bundle into her friend's arms.

After everyone had a chance to hold her and coo over her a nurse came in and shooed everyone took the baby back to the nursery and injected Olivia with something to make her sleep.

She protested the whole time.


End file.
